A few years ago an old friend reached out to me for help. He wasn't someone I had considered a best friend but he was a person I had done things with at times. He was very secretive about his personal life however so it prevented anyone from being too close with him.
He was having marital problems and so he wanted someone to talk to. In time I realized he never had any negative things to say about his role in the marriage. Now anyone who has ever been married knows it is a two way street. No honest person would not admit they contribute to the hard times.
Without going into details, that frankly I want to forget, it became obvious that he was hiding something. Added to these events I had unfortunately seen the effects and symptons of domestic abuse on women I had known. In fact I was married to a woman who had been assaulted as a child by a male friend of her parents. To try and help I had done extensive research on the matter.
So my former friends behavior should've raised a big fat red flag sooner but you don't want to believe a person you knew could be such a dispicable human being. But really should I have been that surprised?
Afterall one out of every three women are physically assaulted. 1 out of every 4 women are victims of domestic violence. In fact 1 out of 33 men will have been raped or have been a victim of attempted rape. And this only accounts for the persons who report their experience.
We throw these numbers around but what do we really know about this heinous crime? What we can do to stop it is an even bigger concern.
Keeping in mind that 16% of all violent crime is domestic violence. Again that is of the crimes reported. On average a person will have been assaulted 35 times before they call the police. This is a very high number. It is even higher because men especially are reluctant to report being victims. Nonetheless the fact is there are a countless number of victims who are not accounted for.
Yet despite the fact that it is grossly under reported, domestic violence claims the lives of 2 women every week and 30 men per year. More women are killed at the hand of a intimate friend or spouse then are killed in war, by cancer or in an accident. In fact 22% of all murders in 2002 were family murders.
What is more shocking is the inability of victims to get away, or leave even after repeated offenses. We often hear people asking "why didn't you just leave?" The facts show that tens of thousands of women epecially feel it is impossible to escape. Some are degraded so much they are convinced that it is their fault they are being attacked.
What can we do? Well for one we can support the local law enforcement by not being afraid of reporting your neighbor or friends you discover is victimizing their wife and or husband. And their children of course. Be there for the victims. Offer refuge to the victims. Don't be afraid to confront a close friend if you feel their is a serious problem. Call them out if need be. Who wants a friend to behave like that anyway?
Help local organizations that help victims of domestic violence. In fact go to those places and see what you can do in the community to help. Also we should be educating children that they need to report their father or mother if they are witnesses of abuse. As we all know children who witness or are victims of family violence often become abusers themselves.
Women and/or men who are sufferers need to be rebuilt. Children need to be re-educated and re-programed also. With kids especially there is a point where they need to be taught what is right and what is wrong so they do not bring this into their future.
Finally I believe as a society we should demand that people stop this sickness on all levels. It should be an issue that is taken more seriously by our judicial system. Perhaps the punishment is not enough since an alarming number of people continue to practice such brutality.
The fact is some Western cultures arrogantly look down upon some Eastern cultures who treat their women as inferior, lower class humans. And yet we totally deny or ignore the savage treatment of women in our back yard. This is unacceptable. It's time we open our eyes and respond. Domestic violence permeates all nations, tongues, and creeds. Let's stop it now!
