For as far back as I can remember I was being sexually abused by someone I loved and trusted. I didn't know that it was wrong. I thought that it was normal. In my t'weens I realized that it was wrong and I put a stop to it by not allowing myself to be available to that person anymore. Unfortunately the lesson that showing affection meant having sex was deeply engrained into my immature mind. I started enjoying the company of older men at a very young age, even before the sexual abuse stopped. I was drinking, smoking and doing drugs by the time I was 7 years old, so the older people I knew made sure that I was always at the parties.
A few weeks after my 14th birthday I had a few people over for a New Years celebration at my sister's home while she was out. It was approved of course. Anyway I met what I thought was the man of my dreams. He was 22. It was 1988 when long haired guys in bands were popular. He was my first love. After that night we were exclusive and living together in my parent's house. He proposed and we were going to get married so we decided to have a baby right away. I had my first child 3 days before my 15th birthday. I spent 1 week in labor sick with toxemia. My body began to fail so I was given a c-section. It was the most horrible experience in my life.
Right before my surgery my doctor decided to parade a bunch of people I did not know into the room. I was naked, tied to the operating table, (the numbing medicine makes your body shake uncontrollably), and they discussed me as if I did not exist. I was humiliated on the day that should not have had one black spot on it. After the baby was born things went well, we were happy. My family saw my happiness as a bad thing and within a year they chased my fiancé out of my life. They made it impossible for me to keep my child with me, so I ended up with my heart completely broken. At that moment I knew that I was completely alone.
Hollywood California
My parents gave me $100 and put me on a bus to my favorite haunt, Hollywood California. I spent the first 6 months learning the ropes. Places to sleep, the fine art of panhandling, shelters, where to get free food, where to get free medical care, where all the happening places and great parties were. You know, the essentials. I started using drugs and alcohol again, I never paid for it, but that's beside the point. I eventually became a prostitute because no one would give me a job due to my age and I had no real address. I was a prostitute off and on till I was 26 years old. Then I met someone who taught me that no matter what had happened in my life I deserved to be loved just like everyone else. He showed me how to believe in myself.
He showed me that there was more to life than the bubble I was living in. I married him and we are still together 9 years later. He always encourages me to be successful in all that I set out to do. I have continued with my education over the years at a slower rate then I would have liked due to home schooling our second son. I enjoyed every minute of it. My husband and I have shown him how to be truly successful in his life. He graduated from high school from a distance education school at the age of 13. He began college a month later and is seeking a degree in Holistic Health. He also takes media arts classes for fun.
What do you love to do?
You are the result of your experiences. There is no such thing as finding yourself, YOU are not lost, YOU are right there. If you don't believe me look in the mirror. No matter what age you are, “YOU” are a collective result of your likes and dislikes, of your strengths and weaknesses, your talents are your magick. They are your unique way of expressing yourself. Read everything you can about the one thing that makes you happy and make sure that you make a career doing what you love. No matter what age you are YOU can make your dreams come true. Our son inspires us everyday. I know that he will never have to go through what I went through in my life, because I made sure to teach him to be confident and to have self-worth.
