They show up everywhere. Rude people are in check out lines, on the streets, and sometimes in our homes. Dealing with these people can be difficult and, at times, exasperating. The say things that are offensive. Their behavior can be atrocious. Rude people butt into lines in front of you. The list of rude people and their rude deeds can be endless. Some days it seems even longer than that. So, the question becomes: How do we respond when people are rude in our presence.
We encounter rudeness in two ways. It can be done directly to us, or we can witness it happening to someone else. These two areas require differing reactions from us. The second one is somewhat easier to deal with than the first. So, it will be considered first.
We are out in public and see someone being deliberately rude to another person. First, examine your connection either to the event or the people or both. If you are just a bystander who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, you will want to be very cautious as to how you proceed. After all, you have no way of knowing if this a continuing saga in their lives or a fresh incident. You may poke your nose in and get your nose poked. It might even come from the side you are trying to assist. So, the best possible reaction in this case is to just watch the situation and stay out of it unless their is a clear indication of danger for one of those involved. If it appears that violence may be on the horizon, call for professional help. Any type of police will do. They are better trained to manage what might evolve than you are likely to be. They also have permission to use a measure of coercion to stop violence.
If we know the people involved in the rude incident, a more active involvement may be warranted. If the perpetrator is a relative, you certainly may want to intervene and call for an apology. In the case of one of your children being guilty of this, use it for a stern teaching session with consequences. For a more removed young relative, call for their parents or use the threat of their parents if they do not comply with your orders. If this fails, deny being related and walk away like you are disgusted. It will not fix the problem, but at least no one will hold it against you. For a spouse who is the problem, you may want to draw on the experience of your past to determine the best way to proceed.
Always give the offended party the first right to speak or act for themselves. Some people do not like others meddling in their business even if it comes with good intentions. Often a stern look or terse angry comment from a stranger will be a great wake up call for a rude person. If the rude person is foreign, you might want to investigate whether their action would be considered rude in their country of origin. Follow this with a culture lesson for your own country or region.
There will be times when you will be the unfortunate victim of rude treatment. Your reaction will vary depending on the level of rudeness received and circumstances surrounding the inappropriate behavior. If someone knocks you down while they are running from a burning building, they were rude, but most would consider it justified. If someone steps ahead of you at the crowded fast food restaurant, it could be a rude act, or it could be a simple misunderstanding. Try not to be too quick to pull the trigger on a reprimand. If someone just steps up and calls you fat or ugly or skinny just to be mean, you have a perfect right to set them straight. Use some caution here not to descend to their level when doing so. Often a minor infraction should be met by simply ignoring it and moving on.
I always recommend taking the high road in these situations. Let the person know that you believe his or her action or words to be unacceptably rude without being rude in return. It can just start a vicious cycle. Try not to punish the next person for the last person's rudeness. Give each one a clean slate. If you do take the opportunity to challenge rude behavior, be prepared to explain why the rude behavior was wrong and how the person should have acted or spoken.
You can not beat rude by becoming rude. Be an example of how people should behave when they are not rude. By thinking before speaking or acting, you can avoid becoming the person you do not like.
A society of "civilized savages".