Everyone that watches TV has seen the commercials. 30 something professionals having
a good time, sort of. They're all laughing, but no one is slamming back shots of Bailey's or
making out in the bathroom with their best friend's girl. Well, they may be, but it's not in the commercial.
The stink of it is, if we were all responsible drinkers, like they encourage us to be, then they would
not be able to afford the commercials urging us not to drink a lot of their product. What corporation
wants us to buy less of their products? What if their aim is to get you to the bar on the moderation train,
just so their product will put you on the nightly express bender service to hangover city?
Most light to moderate drinkers maintain a conscious approach to drinking. That is, on the way to the
bar, it's "everything in moderation." The only problem is, once a certain level of intoxication is met, our inhibitions begin going down the drain with that first bar bathroom visit, and once we look in the mirror, smile at the ourselves and the world, we want more of that feeling. After all, one more won't kill us... It probably won't, but left unchecked, a harmless night out with friends can quickly turn into an exercise in debauchery and nihilism that will not only drain your account, but will also remind you that alcohol is an inTOXICant, the next day.
How do we combat the subliminal genius of the alcoholic ad wizards, coupled with the gentle pull of their brain-numbing
products? Here's a few of ways that may prove helpful:
First, do not take any plastic to the bar. Decide on a set amount of money (and level of indulgence) that you can handle for the
evening, and take that amount of cash with you (Keep in mind your usual tip habits when calculating). $20 is a modest amount
that won't get you into trouble with yourself, or the law (unless your going to .25 beer night at the local sports bar.)
Second, It may seem square, but bartenders actually dig this one: Upon your first order, ask the bartender to keep an eye on you
and cut you off before things get out of hand (They've seen enough drunken behavior to earn doctrates on the subject). If you're
yelling at them because they cut you off, then they've already let you get too far... or else you're just an ass. Also, keep an eye on
the bartender. If they're filling your glass 3/4 full of booze, you may think they're doing you a favor, but they're really just
setting you up for a free fall. This is a common tactic in the "dive bar" scene. A typical pour should only last a few seconds.
Third, drink two glasses of water between each drink. This will extend your cash flow, slow down your drinking, and actually
helps to prevent a hangover. It's a good way to stay ahead of the game on all fronts, and can be used with the other two tips.
Important! Even with these rules in place, if you have to decide whether or not you should drive, then you probably shouldn't.
If you fail to follow the deceptively wise advice of the ad wizards at Anheyser Busch, or any of the countless other
booze magnates, fear not, just don't drink and drive. And don't be surprised when your account's overdrawn, you realize that you
called your ex, but don't remember the conversation, and you're scrambling for the Alka-Seltzer.
