Listening is one of the most fundamental attributes in human relations. Throughout your lifespan listening enables you to gain wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Great leaders recognize listening as an indispensable skill in influencing others. According to the Bible in Proverbs 1:5 it is stated that “Let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance”. Thus through listening, you add to your knowledge, wisdom and you get guidance on how to face challenges in life. If you have ideas to share with other people, you have to learn to listen to their hearts. What is it they would like to hear? Listen and you will be in a position to contribute positively to their situational needs. Jim Dornan has said that you “can't succeed with others by dumping information on them. If I want to help them or have a positive impact on people, I need to learn to listen to them”.
Importance of listening
- Listening shows you care and respect others. It is a demonstration of love : the 1st duty of love is to listen (Paul Tillich)! And You ain't learning nothing when you are doing all the talking (Lyndon Johnson).
- Listening builds relationships. Deep relationship is based on regular exchange of information, stories and ideas. If you are a parent with children, you need to open up to them, share personal experiences and in return they will share theirs. In the process of listening to them, you build a strong bond that will benefit the whole family. Even at work, listening to others helps to form friendships.
- Increases knowledge. Listening helps you increase your knowledge and awareness of what is going on in the lives of others, a subject matter, career pathways, among others. By listening, our bosses confide into us future plans! Opportunities! What is current! So practice listening so that you soak in knowledge.
- Generates ideas. By listening to others, you are able to generate ideas that can help you in life or what you can use to reach out to others. Remember, all the schooling that we do is dependent on knowledge that is passed down and transmitted by the people we listen to such as Teachers, Parents, Preachers and Leaders.
- Builds Loyalty. Listening is vital as it leads you into other peoples lives especially those who are close to you such as in marriage and family. Such listening allows room for those close to you to feel appreciated and thereby kill the feeling of loneliness, share inner fears and hopes. At work, through listening one is able to build a strong bond with co-workers thereby feel free to appreciate and acknowledge one another. This builds team spirit and makes work enjoyable. At the family level, I am reminded of Proverbs 1:8 “Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching”
Barriers to listening
No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next! So watch out for the following barriers to your listening:
- Overvaluing talking: Allow others to talk and complete their contribution.
- Mental fatigue: Do not switch off.
- Stereotyping: Do not dismiss the speaker on account of the past, color, dress, gender, among others.
- Personal emotional baggage eg. A man with a toothache cannot be in love (Sigmund Freud)
- Preoccupation with self.
To be an active listener:
- Be disciplined in your listening.
- Maintain genuine Interest in the subject matter and speaker.
- Have a sincere desire to understand: “it is essential to understand before attempting to be understood” (Stephen Covey)
- Maintain your concentration
Conclusion
Do what winners do! To make positive impression:
- Assess the situation
- Listen
- Get the facts
- Realize that in the process you are building an unconscious affinity with the speaker!
- Listen like a lover: hang on every word, laugh, and show genuine interest
Quote
- People will always move toward anyone who increases them and away from others who devalue them (John Maxwell)
- Fine-tuned listening skills almost guarantee a unique position in that winners circle
