A BBC reporter writes about the Nanjing Bridge in China. That bridge has been nicknamed “Suicide Bridge”. The reporter writes, “…A bridge in eastern China that had become a notorious suicide spot has seen a dramatic reduction of deaths in the last year, after one man began voluntarily patrolling it. The Nanjing Bridge over the Yangtze has become a national symbol since its completion in 1968, but it has also become associated with lost hope and despair. Up to 1,000 people are believed to have died by jumping off it. In a bid to stop the suicides, a local man, Chen Si, began patrolling the bridge just over a year ago. Since then he has persuaded dozens of people not to kill themselves…”
An ordinary Chinese citizen, Mr. Chen Si has become a hero to the many families he has impacted by turning hundreds of people away jumping off the Nanjing Bridge to their deaths in the Yangtze River. Notice how this man has done this: words of persuasion.
But though it starts with words, it will take more than words to succeed in leading a person away from the brink of self-inflicted death. Here are six simple tips that have proven to work in my experience in working with suicidal individuals.
Speak.
Speak directly to the person. Speak with urgency. If you have to shout at the person to get his/her attention, do not hesitate to do just that. There's a life on the line here. Speak with authority; talk like you have taken over the situation, and you are now in charge. Understand that it does not make sense for the suicidal person to remain in charge of his life at the present moment. However, speak with gentles. Speak out of concern that the person can sense. You may actually need to say, “I'm here for you. Whatever it takes, I'll be here for you, but you will not kill yourself. Don't do that to me! Will you promise me that you won't kill yourself, that you will live?”Listen.
Give the person your undivided attention. This will communicate compassion and care. One who's considering suicide will have at least one major unanswered question that dominates his thoughts. If you keep listening, the person will ask you that big question. It's probably a question he has asked others several times, but that no one has shown interest in answering. The person wants to live, but not without some kind of answer to that painful question. The important thing is not that you know or have the answer to the question, but that you care enough to listen and hear the question. Often the suicidal person may take your empathy as sufficient reason to defer or drop his demand for an answer.Respond.
Offer the person something greater than yourself and greater than the person's self interest. If you are a person of religious faith, this is where you would tell the person about your own spiritual experience, and how it has changed your outlook on life and the world. If you are not into religion, you may point the suicidal person to a worthy cause, like the interest of the person's family or community, doing something about the poor, the environment, or whatever you consider a cause worthy of one's passion. Whatever you tell the person, it is important that you require some form of responsible action from the individual; ask him to commit to signing up for that greater cause right now.Connect.
Befriend the person, then go out of your way to connect the person with other positive people like yourself. Loneliness is a major player in suicide. The remedy to this fatal brand of loneliness is good old human contact. So, if you have some good friends, make it your business to bring the suicidal person into your circle of friends. If you belong to a club, church, or some other group, take the person with you to the next meeting. Keep in mind, though, that you remain the person's lead friend for now.Accept.
If the person offers to give you something or to do something for you, accept the offer you. Your natural tendency might be to turn down the suicidal person's offer out of sympathy: “How can I take something from someone who needs my help?” But that's exactly what you should do. Why? Because it will probably make the person feel useful again, that he has something to contribute, something to offer, something that someone else needs or wants. That feeling of feeling needed or wanted answers the quest for significance. And it is not likely that one who has rediscovered his own significance will go on to commit suicide. Often the suicidal person feels useless, un-needed, unwanted, like having nothing to add to anything or anyone. So, she asks herself, “What's the use of living, if nobody needs me anymore?”
There is one caution here, though: Sometimes a suicidal person will give away his belongings, and even some money, as part of his preparation to taking his own life. The person may simply be setting his house in order before the final trip from life. So, before you accept any offer from the person, ask her this simple question: “Why are you giving me this?” Or, “Why do you want to do this for me?” Then listen very closely to her response.Literature.
Read some appropriate material with the person, and give the person something to read once you leave. It should be something brief; a suicidal person will hardly be interested in thumbing through a 200-page book. Instead, a relevant poem, proverb, maxim, or even a pamphlet or booklet will do. If you are into spiritual things, choose a passage from your religious Scriptures. This will motivate the person to seek spiritual answers to her dilemma. If you are a Christian, give the person a Bible verse, like Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Psalm 27:13 is another, “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Psalm 116:9, “I will walk before the Lord In the land of the living.” Ask the person to read the text out loud as a way to get him to believe it, absorb it, and think it in order for its truth to change his feelings and behavior.
It is possible to intervene in every way you know how and still have the person take his own life. When that happens, just remember that it was the person's decision, not yours. You did what you could, but ultimately that person's life was in his own hands. Forgive yourself, if necessary, and prepare yourself better for the next opportunity to snatch another life from the claws of death, like Mr. Chen Si.
