Let me start off by addressing some of you men out there. “Pssst!”, “Yo!”, “Hey sexy!”, and lets not forget he horn honking, are all unacceptable ways to get a woman's attention. It is annoying and makes (most) women feel uncomfortable. Try approaching us and introducing yourself, or if a lady is hurrying past you a simple “Excuse me” is quite enough. If she is obviously trying not to make eye contact, or takes a long way around you to avoid crossing paths, do not take this as a green light to pursue conversation with her. Finally, dear male reader, when trying to "seal the deal" and get a woman's phone number if you hear any of the following: “I don't have a phone”, “I am a lesbian”, the number one lie “I have a boyfriend”, or any other form of "No", that is our polite way of rejecting you and you should take it as such. Further persistence only succeeds in elevating our anxiety level.
I admire those women who can simply say “No” when asked for their phone number by an undesirable, but many of us, myself included, feel an unaccountable sympathy for this stranger, so instead of being harsh but truthful we tell them we have a boyfriend. Many times though, this diversion from the truth backfires and we are drawn into a conversation about why we should be friends. When in this predicament we women undoubtedly think to ourselves “I have friends, thank you very much, but if I should start looking for them off the street you'll be the first to know”. Instead, however, we try our best to politely scramble out of this situation.
Now this is where my real story begins, and it is dedicated to the ladies.
We can't allow ourselves to feel bullied or pressured into giving out our phone number. Showing a man that he can pressure you to do things against your will is never a good thing, and while he will walk away feeling triumphant, you will only feel disappointed in your own inability to just say “No”.
We have all heard the saying “First impressions are everything”, and although this may be an over-statement it is something that should be considered. Even if you give out your phone number thinking that you never have to speak to this man again, let's be realistic. Dry spells will occur in your dating life, and in times of boredom or desperation you will pick up the phone whether it is to answer his call, or to call him yourself. I've been there. I know.
As women we allow our emotions to control us more then men do, this is a simple fact we must accept. So why even give yourself the option of possibly gaining feelings for a man who you know from the beginning is wrong for you? Although it is true that nothing in life is certain, that does not excuse us from using common sense. No job? No education? No ambition? No thanks! I hate to sound stuck-up, but it's ok to be picky. Picky is good! A little common sense goes a long way. Does he have a girlfriend he will leave for you? Stay away! Please believe that when times get tough or he gets bored he will do the same thing to you. Are all of his friends promiscuous, skirt-chasing, players? Be wary! I remember my father once telling me “Birds of a feather flock together”. Truer words I have never heard. Just look at how similar you and your close friends are.
One man in a million is completely different then his friends, and it would be a safe bet to assume you are not the one, very lucky, woman who has found that man.
Also, if all of your friends hate the man you are with, or tell you that you can do better, listen to them! It's not that they don't understand him like you do, or are "out to get him" as he may have you believe, they are seeing him for who he really is and how he treats you, and their judgment is not clouded by feelings of love like yours is.
Although I believe it can be foolish to have a set of rules that you bring into a relationship, I do have one failsafe rule that I keep with any relationship I enter: If you honestly don't know if you have more good times or bad, its time to leave! It will never be all fun and games, relationships take work, but you should always know that you have more good times; otherwise what is the point of being in this relationship? Aren't relationships supposed to make you happy?
Above all ladies, we deserve to have a man who loves us as much as we love him, and not only says it, but shows it. Let's love ourselves enough to know that we deserve the best. We deserve to be treated the way we always imagined our man would treat us. Sure, there may not be a perfect prince charming waiting for us, but why not wait for a man whose imperfections are so insignificant that they are easy for us to overlook?
I am not a doctor, or a professional who has been educated in 'matters of the heart. I am just an average woman who has had her heart broken more then once, and has learned a thing or two. I realize that a phone number may seem like such a trivial thing, but it is a small piece of you.Not just anybody who asks deserves a piece of you.
Good readin