What is the truth? Does anyone ever really know? Truth is in the eye of the beholder, and truth means different things to different people. Sometimes truth is merely an answer given that is suspected or what is believed that others want to hear. Truth is sometimes anything but the truth, a figment of one's imagination only to exist within themselves. Truth is sometimes never known, especially when a truth is kept secret, or in some cases to painful to acknowledge.
There are times when you just want to give up on everything because caring and concern is mistaken for ignorance and stupidity. Always being in the dark is not a fun thing. It's not easy always walking around thinking you know things, thinking you have things under control when in reality people are laughing at you behind your back and how easy it is to look you dead in the eyes and lie. Not a good feeling. Not a good feeling at all when your sincerity is REAL, when your caring is genuine, and others thinks it's a joke. Instead of your caring and love being appreciated, it is ridiculed and dismissed. It is considered being nosy, or controlling,when in reality the heart is breaking, confused and lost. Not an easy feeling for the heart to take.
The worst is when it comes as a surprise. A bad surprise when it comes from the ones that you thought were on your side, the one's you thought would never hurt your feelings or make fun of you or think you are stupid. I have always tried to make choices that would make everyone else happy, thus, putting my own feelings aside, trying to keep the peace. What for? Peace cannot be made in some situations. I barely exist, except in my own little world, in my own stupid little bubble that I am assumed to live in.
A good friend once said that the thing he loves the most about me is that I am ME, regardless of what anyone else thinks, and that I will only do what I WANT to DO, WHEN I want to do it, and doing what I know I shouldn't IF I truly believe in it. Guess I need to find THAT me again and stand back on my own two feet and stop trying to live for others. Nobody wants me too anyway, I'm only fooling myself. Back to the real world, the one where I wasn't anybody to begin with, I do real good like that, gives me something to fight for, at least I can believe in myself, I can laugh at myself, and remember that I am true to myself, because that is the only truth that I know.
