When is it ok? I ask myself this everyday. Are you someone out there who has lost someone so close to you that when you meet someone new you feel guilty for even talking to them? Can you not fully open up because of this guilt? I hope this will help.
Four years ago October 25, four days after my birthday, my best-friend, my lover, the father of my son died unexpectedly in a motorcycle crash. He was twenty seven. Chris was so talented, not only in music, but in life. I always looked to him as the person I always wished I could be. There wasn't a soul on this earth who met him and didn't become family. You know I had a dream he died in a crash three weeks before and I told him. He replied, “Lee, don't say that its bad luck.” I guess it was. My birthday came up we spent fourteen hours together. That was the last time I saw him.
I went camping with our son Micah. Chris was going to meet us as soon as work was out. He didn't make it. He didn't call. I was so angry. My phone didn't work where we were. I thought he forgot so I stayed and when Friday came Halloween I drove back to meet him at his mom's house for trick or treat night with our son.
I called his mom's house because he didn't answer his phone. His brother answered. He said “Lee….” And in that moment I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak, I couldn't drive. I just knew what happened. He told me him and his sister was calling me over and over for four days trying to get a hold of me. That he was gone and they buried him that day. They just got back.
I had to get my mom and dad to come get Micah because I didn't want to drive with him being in the state I was in. The whole time I was waiting for my mom and Dad Micah was asking me where his Dad was. When were they going to get candy. I didn't know what to say.
Two whole weeks went by and my parents were still watching Micah. I know this sounds wrong and unfair to Micah. I should of snapped out of it. You know I tried I just wasn't that strong enough. I turned to the worst possible enemy known to man kind. DRUGS. They took over me. I haven't one excuse to why. I just have one explanation. I died when he died.
Losing someone you love can and should be unbearable painful, whether it was an accident or long illness. Some times death is a horrible shock (a motorcycle accident or suicide.). It can even become a relief during a long term sickness. The times surrounding death affect the way you grieve. There are different ways to grieve (support groups, counseling, or just grieve on your own). The last one I personally don't recommend.
There are many normal ways people respond to death. Here are a few and some ways to help you grieve.
The Way We Deal With Grief: Normal Ways We Respond to Death
Not wanting to eat, or maybe wanting to eat too much
Different Feelings (anger, sad, resentment, guilty, shock, disbelief)
Become sick all the time (colds, headaches, etc.).
Become Depressed
The Way We Deal With Grief: Ways to Help You Grieve
Find a Support Groups-Sometimes finding others that have been through similar times may help you coop with the actual death.
Go to Online Chat Support Groups-Choosing a group online will give you more options and more people. Although you have more choices be very careful who you chose to talk to and what information you give out. The only bad thing about online is that you are not face to face and your one on one online. You never know who you are talking to.
Let Go Of The Past- They tell you this will help and I have heard this over and over. You may be able to do this. So don't get me wrong. I didn't find this to work for me because most of my life was with my loved one (Chris). Every minute involved him. They say to take everything from your past that involves your loved one and get rid of it or put it away out of reach.
Let Time Heal- Again, this is what this whole article is all about. How long do you wait for time to heal? Everyone will be different, in my opinion. Loosing a husband will be different than loosing a child. Loosing a brother will be different than loosing a cousin. Loosing a grandparent will be different that loosing a friend. They can be as traumatic as each other or even worse. It's all up to the person who has to go through this time.
