With her black eye and bruised body, she hid out for a
few days. She had been beaten every day of that week-end.
Why did she stay there and allow her boyfriend to beat on
her? Why didn't she immediately call the police and report
the assault? Why do women want to hang on to an abusive
man? Is it really worth it?
Most women feel a need of having a husband, boyfriend, or male companion. Their need intensifies when they have no one to turn to. Once a woman finds a male who shows interest in her, she really desires the relationship to work. Many women will hang on in a relationship where there is abuse, simply because they feel they cannot do better. This, of course, is a myth. Every woman can do better if given the right set of circumstances after meeting that right person.
When men abuse a woman, they are showing contempt and disrespect of the highest order. Both physical and verbal abuse do great damage, psychologically, as well as physically. Battered women do not feel loved. They are more in a state of fear, than love. This fear grows as the abuse thickens. Once a man knows that he can abuse a woman, there is no limit to which he will not go. The woman then becomes someone to take his anger out on, and someone to trample under his feet at will. A battered woman's face reveals fear, pain, and agony.
Abuse generally does not occur all at once. It starts out with perhaps verbal abuse, then slapping, or punching, and later ends up in heavier blows, kicking, and harder punching. Many times women have to duck as objects are hurled at them. If they have children who eyewitness these events, it becomes worse. The children see their mother in a helpless position, and they, being helpless to assist, are often brought to tears and rage. This impairs them emotionally.
The battered woman has low self-esteem. She does not believe she is worth much, and as her abuser continues to make her the recipient of his abuse, she becomes more and more timid and fearful. Some, after years of abuse, manage to escape by moving to a new locale. They weigh their relationship on the scale of what is best for them and their children.
Many women who have little or no income also allow abuse as a means of survival. They do not realize that there are so many other options out there for them. Especially if the woman has disinterested relatives, or is alone in a certain locale, does she become a target for abuser.
If you are a battered woman, or know of a battered woman, be assured that there is definite relief. Shelters for battered women exist in just about every city. If not, they may call the police or sheriff and report such abuse. If they desire to press charges, the abuser can be taken to jail and sentenced. For many abusers, this helps to correct their behavior. For others, they vow to get vengeance when they are no longer incarcerated.
Here are a few tips for all battered women to follow:
- Do not tolerate verbal or physical abuse at any time.
- Call the police and report the incident.
- Determine that it will not happen over and over again.
- Make plans to leave the unhappy situation.
- Leave the situation and never return.
- Seek help for the abuser.
- Seek help for yourself. Many government agencies are available, both local, county, state, or national.
- If children are involved, shield them as much as possible from seeing or hearing abusive episodes.
- In making new friends, choose those who demonstrate kindness and also treat their mother and sisters with great respect.
- Make a new life for yourself. It will take time, but it can happen.
- Become educated about controlling and volatile men.
- Determine to leave alcohol or drug addicted men alone.
- Give yourself time to recouperate. Do not allow the abuser to persuade you to return to a life of abuse.
- Pray and ask God to give you strength to recover.
- Once you have recovered, tell other women how to leave an abusive situation.
No woman needs to feel trapped in an abusive situation. Weighing the options will help one see there is too much good in life to enjoy. There is someone out there who will love you, want you, and do you good. And believe it or not, you will find that special someone. And my your life be happy ever after.
