Rape is a word that typically brings to mind a brutally violent crime that is committed by an unknown assailant, leaving the victim battered and traumatized or possibly even dead. The media portrays the rapist to be someone who attacks under the cover of darkness and uses surprise and force to get what he wants. There are many incidents of rape that do not follow this preconceived notion of what a rape is. In order to fight back against rape, it is necessary to know all the forms that rape may take. Acquaintance rape, or date rape, is one such instance that does not follow the preconceived notion described above. In the case of a date rape, the victim most likely knows the assailant and the act is generally not violent or brutal, yet still forced. Date rape occurs when the assailant and the victim know each other and the assailant becomes sexually aggressive, ignoring or failing to hear any protests that are given by the victim, resulting in sexual intercourse against the will of the victim. This interaction is still a considered to be rape because the victim was not a willing participant and the assailant forced the sexual contact.
Each acquaintance rapist is as different as the crimes they commit. Their methods vary, as does their chosen victims and chosen scenario. Sometimes these rapists use various chemicals to facilitate their crime by rendering the victim unable to resist. Other rapists use manipulation and strength to overpower their victim. Some rapists will commit their crime on the first date, while others will wait until they have developed some level of trust with their victim before they strike. Alcohol and drugs are common tools of the trade for the acquaintance rapist. Isolating the victim is also important for this rapist because the isolated victim is a much easier target than the victim who has surrounded herself with friends. It is important to understand how date rape happens and to accept that it is rape even if it is committed by someone who is known to the victim in order to develop a plan for protecting oneself from being a victim of this horrendous crime.
The first step in preventing date rape is understanding what is fact and what is fiction with regard to date rape. There are many myths that increase the prevalence of rape. Contrary to popular belief, rapists do not look evil or bad. You can not spot a rapist based on physical characteristics or clothing. They generally look like normal people with no defining identification to mark them as a rapist. Rape is not always committed by strangers, either. In fact, most rapes are committed by an attacker that is known by the victim and may even occur in the victim's own home or somewhere that the victim generally feels safe. The woman has likely had several interactions with the rapist prior to the rape because many acquaintance rapists spend some time getting to know their victim, thus she has become complacent and trusting of her attacker and has become an easier target. Women also need to understand that victims of rape come from various backgrounds and do not fit into any specific age groups.
Rape victims do not fit into any neat category that would render some women safe and others at higher risk. Any woman is at risk for being a victim of rape simply because she is a woman. Women do not ask to be raped. It does not matter what they choose to wear or how they behave. Nobody deserves to be raped. Many people mistakenly believe that a woman who does not fight off her attacker or puts herself into a compromising position must have wanted the sex and did not want to admit her desire. However, the woman is not required to scream or fight back. She only needs to express an unwillingness to have sex for the act to be considered as rape. This expression of unwillingness can take many forms from “I'm not in the mood.” to “No, I don't want to have sex right now.”1 Rape can also occur even when the two people have had previous sexual relations, yet one party does not want to participate in any sexual activity at the time that the rape occurs and the other party forces the sexual contact without regard to the refusals of the other person. Date rape is not about miscommunication within the relationship. It is about one person forcing his will on another. Reevaluating the preconceived ideas that one has about rape and rapists is an important step in preparing a plan of action to protect oneself from the possibility of becoming a victim of date rape.
In addition to understanding the myths of rape, one must also be aware of certain warning signs the indicate the possibility of improper intent by another person. If someone is behaving in a pushy or controlling manner, it is important to be aware of that person's motivation. If someone is sitting too close or staring at a woman they do not know well with the intention of causing discomfort to the person being targeted, this is a clear indicator that the aggressor may have ill intent. Likewise, if someone intentionally blocks the path of a woman trying to leave or grabs and pushes the woman, the aggressor likely has ulterior motives and that woman should be wary and guarded. If an aggressor appears to be disregarding or ignoring the words of the woman or presumes a more personal relationship with the woman than is warranted, then the target should be concerned.2 These are a few warning signs that a rapist may display prior to committing his crime. Recognizing these signs is imperative to preventing victimization.
