Our tour group had been together now for 8 days and was beginning to have a "team" if not 'family' feel to it. My job as tour director was challenging as I had a diverse group of passengers, aged from 55+ to 84, from Australia, Canada, The Netherlands and the USA. Fortunately, they were all English-speakers.
Clare and Charles were a delightful, polite and quiet couple, among the oldest in the group. Clare had a sparkle in her eye that I later discovered belied the pain and grief she carried with her constantly.
We were on the stunning train trip from Christchurch, New Zealand, to Arthur's Pass which one of the most scenic train journeys in the world. As it is a two and a half hour journey, I find it's a great time to move around the carriage and chat to the quieter members of the group. As chance would have it, I was sitting across the aisle from Clare. When the more gregarious Charles moved outside to the viewing car, Clare leaned over and asked me how many children I had. This question I have found means "I want to tell you about my children".
Clare and Charles have one daughter, whose husband passed away when their 2 children were quite young. The whole family spent many years grieving the loss. Clare told me how proud she was of how her daughter has raised the children on her own, and how now, 15 years later she has finally "met" someone.
But she that wasn't what she wanted to tell me.
She took a deep breath, her eyes became moist and she told me "That wasn't the greatest sadness in our lives though". As tears welled in both our eyes, she told me that they had had another daughter who was killed by a hit and run driver right outside of their home when the child was just 7 years old. She was killed instantly. Clare still found this incredible, that her little girl was playing happily one minute, and then gone forever.
I am sure there was no grief counseling back in the 1950s when this terrible accident took place. And even if it was, I am not sure if it would have diminished Clare's pain. There is an adage that "a problem shared is a problem halved". If the same applies to grief, then I am honoured that Clare shared what was "just beneath the surface" with me.
If you, or someone close to you, is carrying the pain of the loss of a child (whether the death occurred last week or 50 years ago), the following resources may be of some comfort:
Coping With Grief: Childhood Death
Children's Hospital: Grief and Bereavement
Unthink Grief
Healing When Your Child Dies
I thank the Lord that He has healed much of the pain and kept my husband and I together. Losing one of your own children is one of the most painful things a person could ever bear.
Good article.