You might be thinking what a dramatic person I am? Maybe that’s true, but when you go through such turmoil with any member of the family, I know for me the only way to come to terms with this was to write everything down. I do hope that others in this position or nearing it can read this and have a greater understanding.
After my dad died my life turned upside down gone went the strong person who lifted dad, gone was the optimist who looked on the bright side of everything. My dad was gone and it hit me as we went to his funeral, he was in a box with flowers on the top going somewhere to be burnt.
This was not at all logical at the time, why would it be, but we got in to the crematorium and the ‘mommas and poppas’ blared out from the speakers Monday Monday a tune dad loved, he always sang along to it on his way to work.
The vicar started to talk about dad I think. Of course at this point I decided to walk out, my sister coming after me telling me it was ok and that the man in the (box) was not dad any more. Well where was he then?
I came back in and sort of remember reading out a letter about my dad all the wonderful things he had done, and said goodbye putting a blue carnation on the (box) the colours of his football team.
The vicar then wound it up and said how dad loved Morecambe and wise the two comedians, and while he said this, the blue curtain slowly came around the (box).
He finished with a line the duo always said at the end of the show. ‘The shows not over till the fat lady sings.’
Then the music of bring me sunshine rang out, and you could imagine Morecambe and wise coming up the aisle, that’s if you are familiar with the show.
Dad got the send off he always wanted no hymns, funny things said about him and his beloved comedians to see him out.
I only remember this because I wrote everything down later after the funeral, when I went on the sick from work for three months.
It’s strange I was so strong for him never faulted at all took on the cancer like it was me going through the treatment, but when he had gone, my heart broke and I couldn’t function with everyday things. I lost weight, and if it hadn’t been for the kids I would have sunk into oblivion.
I also was going to the home to see mum who, when I told her about dad dying started to cry, she knew what I was saying and we both sat on her bed and wept. Dad had asked me to give her a card that he had made out for months before, on opening it I read it out to mum, it said to my darling wife I will always love you, until we see each other again your loving husband Arch.
That broke me and mum, we cried for an hour, then we looked at each other and I wiped her tears away.
That was September by October mum developed pneumonia and was rushed to the same hospital dad had been in. This was all too soon after dad, but once again I put up my guard, and saw mum into the hospital same ward same nurses.
She deteriorated rapidly not really knowing who we were. My kids and my sisters meant nothing so I stopped mine coming in as they were upset their nana didn’t no them. My kids were much younger than my sisters so did not understand what was going on.
By Christmas she had to be fed by a spoon and a toddler cup to drink out of. My mum who had been so healthy mind and body was now a little old lady with Alzheimer’s and pneumonia.
By January 2004 we decided to take mum to a nursing home where she would receive a one to one. It was a lovely place everything she could possibly want.
We took her in on the Monday, and she was back in hospital by and by the Wednesday was back into hospital. Double pneumonia unconscious, I called my sister who came up with my niece and nephew, we sat by her bed while she clung on to life, this lady had an extremely strong heart. On Friday afternoon after sitting by the bed for three days my family apart from my sister and I sat by her bed, my sister was so tired she could hardly sit up, suddenly the door of her room opened, and a warm gust of wind came through the door my mum had a slight smile on her face then died. The nice thing was it felt like my dad had come for her, and now they were both at peace and with each other.
Strangely I remember mums funeral , it was nobody gets too much heaven by the bee gees on the way in. everyone had a photo of mum and dad with their arms around each other walking towards the millennium bridge in Newcastle like I said in my article that that was the last time they were together. And so it felt appropriate to have this photo at the funeral. There were lots of her golfing friends there and neighbours.
We toasted both their lives that day, and I felt happy they were now both together and not in pain, catching up with everything that had happened.
Life does go on its hard, and please don’t think I became ‘me’ again, because I would be lying. After both of them passing away, I lost a little bit of me to both of them. We did scatter their ashes on the 18th hole and we put a memorial bench on the first hole, where I sometime go and sit if feeling a bit lonely, on anniversaries my boys take a flower up for both of them just to let them know we think about them.
At Christmas we have lights in the shape of icicles hanging from the windows so my youngest says both nana and granddad can see us from heaven.
I have finished these set of articles on my mum and dad, and I hope it can bring some comfort to others who have been or are going through this sort of situation. God bless.
,
