Nobody wants to talk about death, it's plain and simple. It's just so morbid and usually it is one of the most hated or avoided topics at all times. Besides, who would enjoy such an unsavory subject anyway? In the first place why on Earth would anybody talk about something that is downright horrendous and creepy? Most of us share the same attitude towards it but perhaps it is high time now that we give it a serious attention for our own sake. You see, we all view death as a cruel enemy constantly stretching its venomous hands across time and humanity. Snatching loved ones from people mercilessly at any given time and at any particular circumstance; talking them in a tick of time, never to be seen again.
It is there where fear and pain reside. Unfortunately, this attitude leaves us more unprepared and caught off guard whenever death strikes. Because of this, we suffer pain and devastation all the more. We are left with no idea at all on how to deal with it because we do not fully know its nature. This is the reason why, we must learn to face it. One celebrated feast in the Catholic practice is the “All Souls Day and the All Saints Day”. In the states, this is more famous as the Halloween season. Perhaps every time this season comes, we are reminded of the sad moments of separation we suffered when we lost our loved ones. Maybe we are thinking that death is such a monster, indifferent to our prayers, untouched by our pleas and unmoved by our tears. Yet sad to say, it's true.
It is something that we cannot avoid or escape from. It is as real as our lives. Thus the best way to respond to it is to accept that it exists and face it squarely. As Jean Paul Sartre once said, “we must internalize death”. That means we must accept that it is a part of our temporary existence. Through this we will be able to live and enjoy our lives without fear. If not, we will die everyday as we live, afraid of extinction which will surely come sooner or later anyway.
There are five stages of death according to G. O. Martinborough. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The first is characterized by the “Not me” belief, the refusal to believe. Second manifests the “Why me?” attitude. The person becomes angry with himself, with others and with God. But when anger does not change the situation, the third comes in, the “bartering”. The person will make promises of renewal if he will only be given another lease in life. Soon it will be followed by the fourth in which the person will experience extreme sadness, until the fifth sinks in. Resignation and submission will be ushered and peace will come to the dying person.
It is sad though that in some cases people die without reaching the final stage which is supposed to be the best disposition in order to have a peaceful death. Further, it must be noted that these stages are not only experienced by the dying person but also by those who love him. It is therefore important that people should know how to process themselves or to help others move on to the stage of acceptance. I know this is easier said than done. No one can really measure the grief of bereavement, but through this, at least people will be able to know that death is a natural experience and that everyone must learn how to let go.
For the bereaved, the following suggestions are recommended. First, they should externalize grief. They should be given enough time to grieve and to express it in a healthy way. This opens a cathartic experience. Second, resolve hidden guilt feelings. Make the necessary efforts to be relieved from whatever unresolved issues. Confession can truly help. Third, participate in emancipating activities and relationships. Do not allow grief to be in control. Let it pass but do not keep it. Find the beauty of the world in others. Forth, look towards other sources of strength. Other loved ones and primarily God, are people's sources of strength. If faith in God and in other loved ones is kept burning, then sorrow will be overcome. Finally, look forward to the resurrection. Our faith tells us death is but momentary. One day we will all be reunited, and indeed it would be the grandest reunion of all times with the Lord in our midst. So let us lives by “living” out our faith and being ready, let us not spoil it by constantly fearing death.
