There is life after the suicide of someone you know. I should know - my husband killed himself in 1987. It was my second marriage and a very abusive one. After separating at least four times I had come to the end of the road and knew I could not carry on - for my childrens' sake and for my own sake. The last night of his life, my husband phoned to say he was going to kill me - he did not care if he 'got 15 years for it'. I stayed awake until 1.00am. when I could no longer carrry on and decided 'if he gets me, he gets me.' My guardian angel must have been looking after me that night because I awoke in the morning, surprised to find myself physically whole and still in my own bed. The CID came around later on to tell me 'he has done what he has always said he was going to do, but be thankful 'cos it could have been worse - it could have been you and the kids.' Firstly I felt relieft - peace of mind and body at last, then I felt guilty because I felt relief. What a gamut of emotions one goes through!
A friend of mine, whose wife had killed herself told me ' it is the last selfish act and if you allow it, it could ruin the rest of your life'. One opinion obviously. Of course, it is a different emotion for each of us who goes through this. For someone who is in a happy relationship it is going to cause a lot of pain, as indeed it did me. You have to give yourself time to grieve but PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. There are so many unanswered questions in these instances but you have to dig deep for your inner strength to carry on and know, truly, within yourself, that the deceased is at peace with God. They have followed their own path. I hope that this, even in some small measure, will help someone going through this awful, awful time.
I totally agree with you. My brother, the police say, commited suicide. Whether I believe or not (hid divorcing wife was right there when it supposedly happened) it becomes easy for one to blame themselves. Could I have done more? Should I have seen signs? Questions that can never be answered until it's our time. We must just embrace our faith if any, and believe as you say that they are at peace, finally at peace. Michael
#2 by M R Amell, Oct 9, 2008
Since I was a young kid, about 5 or so I have fought bouts of feelings of suicide. I have attempted many times over the years and have had my life brought back on several occasions. I'm now 49 and I often wonder why.
I've never been much into faith, but something did happen a few years ago that changed everything. It's been about 4 years now and I have not given suicide much thought since. I do think about it on a regular basis, but I don't have any desire to try anymore. Ironically my wife of 22 years left me 3 years ago and at first I thought I would fall into the same old trap, but I didn't. I have no clue as to why except perhaps a divine intervention that has always been there and I didn't realize it.
Now I'm single living alone for the most part and I am a caregiver for an elderly woman. Strange how it seems to work..or not, huh?
