My heart goes out to all the families that are currently hurting as a result of losing their loved ones and are trying to go forward. It is never a welcomed feeling.
Only those who have the experience can properly describe the feeling and I remember the reaction of my wife when she placed her two nephews on a bus, and a few hours later she was called by her sister and told that one of them had been tragically killed by a car driven by a doctor.
The next three months was one of grief for the entire family as the child's father became hateful, aggressive, confrontational, dismissive, and very tearful at times.
His wife on he other hand was quite the opposite except for the tears. One day in particular I laid my hands on her and felt a heavy weight being transmitted to me that almost overwhelm my spirit. Depression especially from bereavement can be quite a heavy load was my thought at the time.
My wife on the other hand acted like she was dead to everything, she was almost totally useless in the house for a number of months.
However fifteen years later the healing process has advanced to the point that both families can have quality fellowship reciprocally in each others house at different times.
I lost a niece in child's birth and a sister ten years apart and the hurt from both of them were quite strong and brought out anger, retaliation, tears, regrets, and forgiveness.
The last bereavement helped to unify the family as we strive to honor our departed loved one.
We thought carefully what she would like us to do if she was alive and decided that we need to be more united and forgive each other of past wrongs.
Today there are signs of progress and we welcome it gratefully.
Families facing bereavement need all the support they can get to pass over. A kind thought, a hug ,a short telephone call saying I am thinking about you, be strong, or just being with them physically , can do a world of good.
The wife, children, or mother suffering the greatest loss are should be carefully watched and supported so that they can be protected from any impulsive tendencies.
These are the times when suicidal tendencies can be entertained, so close attention is a pre-requisite.
It is usually hard to suggest but it is important to allow those who are hurting to talk freely without personalizing what they are saying.
In case of a violent death, it is important to help the family to forgive those who commit the act. Hate and desire for revenge are enemies to the healing process and can delay it for years.
An unforgiving spirit can lead to further death, and disease, so tactfully the family should be helped to achieve forgiveness.
Every member of a bereaved family has different personality and will handle the loss differently, therefore unity and an understanding spirit will be critical during these post bereavement periods.
Pastors and church Counselors are excellent shoulders to lean on during these times. Their kind words and support can serve as bridge over troubled waters.
I remember being told during one of my troubled times that “This too shall pass”. Those words meant a lot to me when it was said. It brought hope to my spirit and helped to lift me in the days and months that went by.
Healing after bereavement is predicated on time, attitude, fellowship, comfort, financial support, prayers, and a desire to live for the future.
Sometimes it will take us years to understand why God took our loved ones and when we arrive there we may look back with a better perspective and be thankful.
Death in the family will never be easy, even if the person was sick for months. We still want them around and at times selfishness on our part is a big problem in the equation.
Perhaps the maker of that person has called earthly time out and engineered a departure much tour dissatisfaction.
I believe it is human and Ok to cry as long as possible when we are bereft of reasons for such a predicament, however there may a purpose why we are allowed to go through that storm.
As time goes by the tears will dry up and greater peace will come in.
The sunshine will then break through to light up the eyes, and bathe the beautiful white teeth, as live takes on a new meaning and purpose.
When revival comes to the bereaved, the old places will come to life, the shopping centers will have more family business, and the aroma from the kitchen will invade the neighbor's verandah.
May this be the experience of every bereaved family wherever they are today? That too has and will pass for you.
