I received news today of a family in our church whose newborn baby had a seizure. As I read their request for prayer, I felt my stomach knot and the tears well up because I know too well what those parents are going through. Many have walked this road, though none ever want to. Standing by your child's side as he is perilously sick, not knowing what the outcome will be is torture. Facing the possibility of your child's death is a nightmare that none ever want to live, but there are those who do. It's a difficult path filled with twists, thorns, and sometimes the path is so overgrown you can't see where you should step next. Where is our loving God in the midst of this? How do we explain a child's death and still believe in God's love? How do we as Christians respond when we suffer an incalculable loss?
Where is our loving God in the midst of pain?
When my husband and I knew without a doubt that our son would die, it was agony. We watched our 18 week old baby struggle and squirm on the ultrasound, the amniotic fluid that had protected him gone, the pressure of my womb closing in on his tiny form. Horrific is the only way I can describe it. To know that your child's heart is beating, and that in 24 hours it will not be beating is torture. Suddenly I understood something about our God as I looked at the pain on my husband's face. Our God intimately knew our pain. He watched his son die as well. There was a difference. God could have stepped in and stopped Jesus' death on the cross, but he chose not to for the sake of the world. We could not step in and save our son. I am floored when I realize the love that God must have for His creation in order to stand back and allow the crucifixion of Christ. The love a father has for his son is immeasurable, and when we watched our son, knowing that his death was imminent, it was amazing to us to know that God had done the same, and hadn't stepped in to stop it. So where is our loving God in the midst of pain like that? Right there next to us, holding every tear in His hand.
Why does God allow babies to die?
I still remember my brother asking me, shortly after the death of his stillborn daughter, "Did God want this to happen?" It's a valid question, and one that I have asked myself many times over since the death of my own son. My answer to him is the same today as it was when he asked it, before I also experienced such a tragic loss. God doesn't want this to happen. No, God created a perfect world and in that perfect world two people sinned and brought death upon the rest of the human race. We are all born into sin, not one of us is perfect. And this is not the way God made the world to be. God's heart breaks with us. We see this when Jesus is told that his friend Lazarus has died and the Bible tells us that, "Jesus wept". It is the shortest verse in the Bible, and one of the most poignant. Jesus was grieved not only over his friend's death, but over the whole state of Creation. Death is not natural. It's not what God wants, but since sin entered the world, it is the one thing every part of creation can count on. God made a way to right this. Jesus goes on from his weeping to raise Lazarus from the dead. This shows how much God hated death. If death were supposed to be a natural course of life, Jesus wouldn't have been upset by it. He would have philosophically told Mary and Martha, Lazarus's sisters, that Lazarus was in a better place and it would be o.k. That's not what he did. He wept, and then he raised Lazarus from the dead. He brought him back! In the same way that he brought Lazarus back from the grave, Jesus himself went on to conquer the grave. Who knows, maybe the memory of the grief he felt over Lazarus's death helped hold him to that cross when he could have stepped down at any moment. So yes, God abhors death and because of that, he offered his son as a sacrifice to atone for our sins, so that one day all will be set right.
How do Christians respond?
I obviously can't speak for every Christian, but I do speak for myself and I have seen other Christians walk this path before me and they had similar responses. I was always in awe of people who suffered through the death of a child and came out praising God, but then when I walked through it myself, I realized that there is no other response that makes sense in the Christian worldview. After all, I believe that God knowingly watched his innocent Son die for my sins. I now have a glimpse of the depth and breadth of how painful that must have been. How can I be angry at God after that? I have the promise that I will see my son again when this life is over. Instead of the defeat that this would have been without Christ's death, it is now a victory. That is not to say that I don't grieve. Even Jesus wept, despite knowing that he could and would bring Lazarus back from the dead. So I do weep often for my son and my empty womb. But those tears of grief are not the end of the story because there will ultimately be tears of joy. He turns our mourning into dancing, literally. I look forward to the dance.
