Don't be the Cash Cow

Sometimes if you can’t teach people to fish then it must be caught for them.

Depression accounts for over 12% of global illness, and is expected to rise to over 15% by 2030! I think filling a person's gas tank and buying them groceries and medicines they need is a great idea. Handing them money, not so good. Good advice.

I agree. I learned my lesson loaning money out to people like that. My cousin who is not exactly mentally ill but is a drug addict would always ask me for "food" money but when I gave it to him it was always used as cocaine money. Lately I haven't been giving him any money but I will pick him up some food when he asks for some "food" money.

My mother-in-law is bipolar and cannot handle money. Unfortunately, my father-in-law had her on the checking account and she wiped out the account twice before the bank refused to allow them to re-open the account. He's created a new checking account without her name on it, but before she was put on proper medication they would have some quite violent arguments about buying items they just couldn't afford. We once bought them a few things they needed, and she threw a fit because we didn't give her money for gas (even though we used our own car).

Good advice. People who have problems handling their financials should be helped. But we can offer to buy them groceries and medicines just to make sure that the money we give them are really for their needs and not to fuel their bad habits or addiction.

I thought the article made some salient points regarding the overall effects of mental illness, and how to best assist a loved one who is suffering with this debilitating condition.

Great point. So many times the mentally ill person is trying to fill avoid by shopping. That person may act impulsively and regret the decision.Later they may feel worse. Good point about the bailout. If you constantly solve their problems for them you they won't every get experience in learning to solve them themselves.

Good guidelines--although to some people, a condescending attitude can make things worse. After all, most Americans, including \"normal\" ones, have horrible money management. Tu quoque is a common attitude in this culture. Most people who would look down on others for \"unnecessary\" purchases (unnecessary to who?) or things that \"aren\'t worth the money\" (worth it to who?) spend money on things that would be unnecessary, wasteful, and frivolous to me. Examples include new clothes (beyond tshirts, sweats, jeans, socks, underwear, and jackets, and only replacing them when they\'re too old to wear), televisions, more than one pair or two of sturdy shoes (my stepmother has 17 pairs of shoes, I asked if she really needs them all and has 34 feet, then learned this is fewer than what some people buy), couches and other furniture (beyond desks, chairs, and mattresses), cosmetics, jewelry, books, magazines, movies, music CDs, sports equipment, lawnmowers, and brand-name almost-anythings. And things I find worthwhile, some others wouldn\'t (seeing them as wasteful luxuries, silly buys, or worse, even immoral in the case of polluting disposable items or products supporting unethical companies), such as cat trees, medical and veterinary supplies for sick guinea pigs, top quality pet foods, fresh produce to feed guinea pigs with daily, plastic food bags, a fridge, a stove/oven, medication (especially for minor things, eg OTC anti-itch for small bug bites), an entire bedroom for adopted guinea pigs including plastic lining and towels covering the floor, sunblock, soft-sided animal carriers, paper towels, safe cat litter, air conditioners, garbage bags, and a mobile phone. Value is subjective. We can criticize everyone else all day long with \"But *I* don\'t think that\'s worth *my* money!\"

I have found that manic episodes are far worse than depressive episodes for utilizing money inefficiently. My friend\'s unmedicated bipolar father may try to manage his finances for some time, then when a manic episode hits, he\'ll be completely broke.

One person I knew was bipolar II and his former employers did not pay him well. His meds helped him a lot, but being socially isolated made him feel worse. He would save up money for airplane tickets to visit his friends and spend time with them, even though he would have mood swings (depressive episodes, hypomania was in the form of moods closer to euthymia) because he had none left for meds. But who am I to judge whether mood stabilizers or friendly human contact \"should\" be more valuable to him?

For some people, life is not worth living without their mood stabilizers, or antipsychotics, or antidepressants, whether the drugs are doctor-initiated or self-medicated. When you have no will to live, food money is irrelevant. For some people, life is not worth living without their drugs. If your friend no longer gets enjoyment out of an illegal drug, cannot control their addiction, and desperately wants to quit, that\'s one thing, but not everyone who consistently uses drugs illegally is like that. Something to think about when judging financial choices.

An important thing to keep in mind is that however much you try, it is almost impossible to fully control a typical adult\'s life (mentally ill or not) in many countries. Some people may sell their medications and/or food at extremely low prices to spend the money on something else. You can\'t force someone to not do so unless you sit in the room with them and demand they eat/ingest medication in front of you.

I agree for the most part, especially when you said to buy the person's groceries or medicines. It is quite the similar case when it comes to homeless people. I would much rather buy them a meal than give them straight money, simply because I have no idea where that money is going. A good deed is a good deed, but the former ensures that the money is going to a good place.

I have a sister who works for the causes of persons with mental illnesses. What you have said in your article is what she tells the families and friends of persons who suffer from mental illnesses. Unfortunately, a number of these people do not recognize the problem and there is a fine line between helping them and remaining a friend or "taking over" and pushing them away. Your blog is important because it offers good suggestions of how to help without seeming to take over another person's life. Thank you.