If everyone's being bailed out these days, why not Toyland in the North Pole? Things are rough up there. Ain't even snowing. Polar bears show up looking for a handout, embarrassing Mrs. Clause; and, Santa's elves are beside themselves with the thought that they'd be out on their pointy little asses, jobless, just as Christmas is turning the corner...
So; What about it, Uncle Sam? You think the Grinch was something? You just wait and see what THIS Christmas is going to be like, what with the "Crunch" in-charge! Its gonna be glum, glum, glum with just your gum to strum, if that...
First off, because Santa ain't got the sack to carry on his back, he's going to get sacked. It's the economy, stupid!
Secondly, it ain't right for Wal-Mart to get the crowds. What, we're now employing Chinese elves to make our toys? Let me tell you something: Those guys aren't anywhere north of anywhere; they're right in the center of a coastal city like Shanghai. So not only have they stolen the jobs we give our elves to do, they've broken our sacred tradition for such work to be done in the cold, as well!
Thirdly, there's a moral issue at stake here. Good kids get toys from Santa. Brats get a piece of coal. Now even the brats get nothing, as every lump of dirty coal is now gathered for clean energy. The truth? No longer can we distinguish between the good, the bad and the ugly. Like I said: We're facing a moral dilemma here!
And so what about it, Uncle Sam? We bail out Wall Street and we debate the ways and means to rescue Main Street. But who gives a penny's worth of thought to Toyland, huh? Kris Kringle ain't got no golden parachute, contrary to what people think. So are we going to just imagine the howling of the wind up North? The hungry growl of Santa's empty stomach (shrinking pitifully with each passing day)? The sad, sighing moans of unproductive elves -- American eleves?
Or has it come down to, finally, the loss of Christmas because we've EXPORTED it, as we have everything else?
Toyland needs a bail out, if ever any worthy entity does!
Global warming melted the lot.