However, I was young and in love. I had a wealthy man pursuing me and begging me to marry him. I was living the Appalachian Dream. I was Cinderella and Prince Charming was standing at my door with a glass slipper.
The marriage quickly descended into hell. We had only been married three days when he ditched me to visit a strip-joint on the edge of town. He was constantly missing work, and he would spend his entire paycheck as soon as he received it. My paychecks were used to pay the bills. He refused to let me have any access to his bank accounts or to even see what their status was.
He began pursuing my best friend. Then he began pursuing his boss… at least this motivated him to go to work. He was often late coming home and deceptive about where he had been. He was frequenting strip clubs and gay bars with his best friend, an openly bi-sexual man. Soon he began downloading gay porn on the computer, and when I confronted him he reacted with anger.
He was emotionally abusive and very manipulative. He had me convinced that there was something horribly wrong with myself and that I should become a housewife so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of work. I became isolated and alone.
When he finally left, I was left without a job and without money. I didn’t fight for it, though… I just wanted him out of my life once and for all.
I returned to school, determined to get my degree and go on to graduate school. I had been denied my dreams when I was younger. I had settled for the dream of being a wife and mother… but he took all of that away from me. Now, nothing was going to stop me.
Fall From Grace
I found it difficult to find a job that was willing to work around my schedule and that would pay enough that I would benefit. I had learned from my first attempt at college that a full-time minimum wage job only hurt a working-class person’s chances at getting financial aid. I made too much to qualify for grants, and so I went deeply into debt with loans.
It only took two years to finish my degree (even after having changed my major to something totally different than it had been the first time.) But I was sinking deeper and deeper into financial despair.
Eventually I found a job as a pizza delivery driver. But my insurance found out and I had to quit that job, but it got me through college. I graduated in the summer with a Sociology degree… what was I going to do with that?
I was out of work for some time. My degree meant I was overqualified for the unskilled jobs I had worked for so long, but I was in competition with more experienced people for the few social service jobs available. Every thing began to fall apart that summer.
First, my gas was shut off. I didn’t mind because in the summer, the only thing I used it for was to heat water. I was able to do this on the stove, which was electric. It made it inconvenient for bathing, but I tried to cheer myself up by imagining I was living the rugged life of the early settlers. For a while it was actually kind of fun.
Then my water line sprung a leak and I found myself with a four hundred dollar bill. I dug up the water line myself and patched it… because I had no record of hiring anyone, the water company refused to write off any portion of the bill. Now I had no water and I quickly learned how miserable life without running water could be.
I placed a Rubbermaid storage bin under the gutter on my back porch and collected rainwater. I used this water with which to flush the toilet and to clean the house. I hauled drinking water from anyone’s home that would allow me. I showered at my parents’. Worst of all, I was losing hope that I would ever have a good life at all.
I finally begged and borrowed enough money that I was able to have my water turned back on, but I still had no gas. Winter was rapidly coming and a fellow church member found me a job at the local grocery store, working in the deli. It paid minimum wage and the most I was given was thirty hours a week… but I was thankful to have something. However, by the time I paid my water and electric bills, there was nothing left to pay toward the gas bill.
I feel for you.