OBJECTIVE TEST A test containing questions to be answered by definite answers, generally true/false, multiple choice and short answer tests. These are a boon to students who skim material and cram because they can generally guess a significant amount of the answers without really understanding the course material. They penalize students who really understand the material because these students may understand enough to have a problem deciding between two choices, one superficially correct and one actually correct. Objective tests are preferred by instructors because they require less time and effort to grade and can be graded by assistants.
ORIENTATION A period of time designed to acquaint the students with the college or university. This can cover a variety of subjects including how to locate restrooms. If this is covered, it is sometimes the most useful and relevant information provided in the sessions.
PART-TIME STUDENT The most cost-effective customers. These students generally pay full price for every credit hour. In addition they tend to use less of the expensive resources, recreational areas, housing, dining facilities and health care. They provide other income in the form of full-price parking permits and unlike the full-time students, they pay full price in the food service areas. They are always last in line for class allocation. These are the best customers and get the worst treatment.
Ph. D. The only real degree. Other degrees are only stepping stones to this degree and have no value in themselves.
PLAGERISM The copying of someone else's work that is forbidden for students but permitted and overlooked as long as the professor is in favor with the powers that be.
PREREGISTRATION An alleged opportunity for the student to avoid the chaos of the registration period by registering early. This gives the registrar two opportunities to harass, demean and antagonize the students and most registrars are adept at fully utilizing every opportunity.
PREREQUISITE A course that must be completed before another one could be taken. Sometimes these courses have no relevance but are useful in providing additional income for the college.
REGISTRAR The sadist responsible for the chaos students are subjected to in the various clerical processes of the college.
SCHOLARSHIP Funds available to students to defray the cost of higher education. Although need and academic status are considered, athletic ability is generally more likely to earn a student big bucks than academic status. Scholars are a dime a dozen, real football stars are rare.
STUDENT RELATIONS The practice of faculty members having intimate relations with students, a practice some institutions prohibit, many tolerate and some ignore. Some universities permit this if the faculty member isn't able to influence the student's academic status. Of course there is a risk that all faculty members are in some way able to provide this influence, no matter how distant in the same institution.
TEXTBOOK The basic documentation for the course. Unfortunately the decision to use a particular textbook is more often driven by the royalties it will bring to the professor than by the book's relevance and excellence.
TENURE The system that allows academics to attain untouchable status if they survive for enough years. Competence is not the issue, either for tenure or after it is granted.
