What would you do when your phone rings during the afternoon, son in school, you doing your usual daily routine. Someone, not affiliated with the school, calls and tells you your child has been badly hurt and to come quickly. First you make sure it's true, then shock sets in, anyway for myself it did.
The sudden and unexpected cruelty of my child being assaulted while in school resulted in post traumatic disorder for myself, I am his mother. The system doesn't appear to be getting any better in dealing with School Bullies.
How are our schools dealing with their students already suspect of having problems? What if the students form of aggression is drug related, are they classified as a bully or are they totally without personal conscience? We can't always blame the parents of a bully or are some cases negligence of the parent to get help for their troubled teen?
I can only speak from my experience, my child's pain, the trauma we both suffered at the hands of a school bully. I have psychologically blanked his face from my mind, in hopes that it never reappears. He no longer has a face for me to have to remember, my memory blanked it out, only his behavior, his intentional criminal and cruel actions. The terrific harm he did to my child, caused by his loss of control and mindless behavior.
I no longer ask the same questions of myself. Why did his parents not seek help for their son? This troubled boy clearly exhibited ongoing problems. Why should any parent have to deal with the devastating actions of crime committed by another student who decides to unload on their child?
I tell this story from first hand experience what this unwelcomed intrusion had on our lives, the lasting overwhelming effects that became so much a part of my life. I still am not sure how deeply this has hurt my son's psyche, I pray in time he will forget given his forgiving nature. I however hard I try still am brought back to the devastation that should never have happened. This undeserving form of violence can be life changing.
As parents we place our children in school in hopes it is like their home away from home, sometimes with more supervision. In this case the lack of proper supervision and fact being that the school principal and everyone down the line knew of this kids many problems, he was a school “bully” and was known by parents of his acquaintances in school to be more than just a little troubled.
What do you say, what do you do when clearly the school looks the other way or turns a blind eye? He had been noticed and warned but never dealt with properly. Well, it was to our demise that he would explode, this walking time bomb.
My son never had the chance to protect himself as it all came at him so fast, he was caught completely off guard. Imagine your child having lunch like every other school day, and only a few tables back his attacker decides to throw food, such infantile behavior. Your child becomes annoyed after being hit in the back a few times, it's only natural to get up and ask the person why he is doing this and to please stop. What happened thereafter was by all accounts criminal behavior.
The bully gets mad, has a super adrenalin rush from drugs or something, lunges at your child, and continually punches him in the face and head. No chance to protect himself, is shocked, trips and falls to the ground consequently passing out. The physical and emotional pain inflicted could have been avoided, I only hope this was a lesson learned, but I fear not.
Not enough exposure is given to these random acts of violence, not enough punishment, and in our case not enough follow up. Who else will suffer at the hands of this bully, or another? Will this one snap again, will he lunge at another unexpecting teen, will it be a repeat against another possibly vulnerable student in school? How do we stop these kids who cause such havoc, how does one begin to understand how to prevent how horrific an act a repeat bully can create?
Will this kid go out in the world and continue to harm others physically for lack of proper ongoing treatment and consequences? I worry for my child and all the other parents that are involved in their children's lives, be them elementary, junior high or in this case high school. Should he have been allowed to continue attending school, absolutely not.
Did the school know of his prior offenses and problems, Yes. Were some of my son's friends very worried about what happened, or did I get the sense that they were just glad it hadn't been them. Their parents called to ask me to speak out, I knew they wanted my voice heard so their child would not be the next random victim. I did all I could, all I was capable of under the circumstances.
