Of all the aspects of homeschooling, it is socialization which always gets the biggest question mark. Every time somebody finds out that I'm homeschooling my kids, the inevitable question that follows is, “But what about socialization?”
Socialization, which includes good manners, good values, character and social graces, is precisely the reason why I homeschool my kids. Here are the myths, and truths, about homeschooling and homeschoolers' socialization.
Myth 1: Homeschooled children have little or no chance to develop their socialization skills.
This myth comes with the assumption that homeschooled kids are locked in the house with little or no social interaction whatsoever. If that was the case, then yes, homeschoolers would have very few chances to practice and develop their socialization skills.
However:
Point number one: Homeschoolers DO go out of the house. They attend Little League, and music classes, and join the Boy Scouts, choir, etc. They go to church and playgrounds. They visit zoos, museums, libraries, shopping centers, and learn to interact with the people who work there. Because they are not cooped up in school, they have MORE time to see the real world. Because their parents are supervising them, they are less likely to get kidnapped, bullied, molested, or influenced in bad ways.
Point number two: If ever there is a homeschooler who hardly ever gets out of the house and learns only to socialize with his/her own family, that is already a feat. Families are often the most difficult people to socialize with, but since we have them for the rest of our lives, it is most important that we learn to get along with them more than anybody else. It is a sad fact that while many of us are terrific at socializing with strangers who mean nothing to us, we do not know how to live well and get along with our own families who mean more to us than anybody else in the world.
Myth 2: In regular schools, children are better trained in socialization skills because they are forced to be with children their own age.
If you've read “Lord of the Flies” by William Golding, you would realize that being with people your own age is not the best way to learn good socialization skills. Older people teach you wisdom from their experiences, and mentor you through life.
Younger people teach you leadership, gentleness, and responsibility. Being with people your own age, on the other hand, teaches you to compete, dog-eat-dog, and every man for himself.
Oh, you may disagree, but look closely at the majority of your relationships, with older people, with children, and with men or women your own age, and you'll see that this is true.
In addition, if your child learns his socialization skills from fellow children, what will they teach him? They are just as inexperienced and ignorant as he is! So you have the blind leading the blind. The reason why we have parents is so that somebody will guide us properly in the world. This is not the job of our siblings, playmates and peers.
Myth 3: Homeschooled children are pampered, so they are ill-equipped to handle the stresses of real life.
Homeschooled children are NOT pampered: They are trained, in a safe environment, so they can focus on their training.
Before a teacher is released into a real classroom, she is taught educational theories for four years, then given time to practice in a laboratory classroom. Before a pilot is released to fly a real plane, he is taught aeronautics and allowed to practice on a flight simulator; then before he flies solo, he has to fly with a flight instructor.
Imagine what would happen if you simply push some person in front of a classroom, or into a cockpit, and tell him or her, “Go teach,” or “Go fly.”
Why should socialization be any different? Why should we expect our children to know what to do when we send them to school at seven years old and tell them to “Go make friends. Be a good boy/girl,” without training them how?
Isn't it better to teach your child the proper values and social graces first, then slowly release him into the world with gradually decreasing amounts of supervision, before completely letting him go, when he is ready and good and strong?
“Train a child in the way he should go, and he will not depart from it.”
Myth 4: Schools can't be bad; after all, most of us were raised in schools and we're okay.
Are we? How many of us were traumatized in high school because we had poor social skills? Because we were too shy? Because we lacked confidence in ourselves?
How may of us right now are at ease at formal dinners? How confident are we, when meeting people, that our table manners or social etiquette are up to par?
How many of us have failed in life, in our relationships, in our jobs, because our social skills, values and ethics are lacking or underdeveloped?
How many of us made the wrong friends, hung out with the wrong people, made the wrong choices, dated the wrong guy who always made us feel afterwards like we had a stain that couldn't be removed?
And if, indeed, we are lucky enough to be all right, is that a good enough reason to put our own children under the same risky situations, hoping that they will be as lucky as we were?
Just because you survived your childhood without seatbelts and car seats, is that a good enough reason for you to let your children ride without car seats and seatbelts too, and cross your fingers?
Not for my kids. You decide for yours.
