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The Truth About Loving Your Students

There's more to teaching than the three r's. A safe classroom is full of love and acceptance.

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The Spine of Education -- a Safe Classroom

Students do not care to learn until they know you care.

Sounds like a cliche, but I believe that an effective classroom is one in which kids feels safe. As a special education teacher, I see a lot of troubled students. Anxiety disorders, victims of poverty and abuse, scratch the surface and you'll find beyond the tough demeanor, a plethora of insecurity, fear and pain. It takes time to build relationships with students. It takes patience and consistency. It takes a lot of love. We can't reach them all, but that doesn't mean we don't try.

Communication:

At the beginning of each term, I tell my students the most important thing in my room is communication. If they're having a hard day, I want to know. If they're received bad news, tell me. And I promise that when they need to talk to me, I will stop the lesson and listen. Of course, I have an assistant so it's not a problem to leave the room for a few moments, but before I was a special education teacher and the solo adult in the room, I'd spend even a moment or two to converse, and if needed, we'd set up a time to talk later.

Now you might think the other kids would take advantage of this time to act up while the lesson is disrupted. Sometimes, but all too often, they respect this sacred trust. To learn to communicate and trust is one of the most important skills teachers can impart. It's a skill that will take them further than knowing the difference between a noun and an adjective.

This communication goes both ways. When I'm having a hard day, I tell them. I have Systemic Lupus, a disease where pain is constant, and as a result, sometimes I'm cranky. If I snap, I apologize. I model making myself vulnerable, permitting them to see me as a real person with flaws and fears. When my first novel That Hurt Thing, was released, I celebrated the event with my students, and upon their request, drew names for two books from this first batch.

Journals:

Some have commented that I'm wasting time in having students keep daily journals at the high school level. I strongly disagree. I discover so much about my kids though this medium. No one but me and my assistant reads these journals, not even parents or other teachers. We write back to the students and a dialogue is often established.

Sometimes they write terrible things, even about me. But as long as they're not threatening harm, I try to look beyond the anger to respond. It's a test for me as well, to love them unconditionally. I've had students brag about their violence and perhaps it's to test me, but it can be upsetting. But I tell myself that it is not my place to judge them -- the world will easily do that on its own.

Not all the students like journal writing, but I persist anyway, and if that doesn't do it, I offer a fair alternative: a page of grammar instead. Usually that takes care of the protest. Journals help to serve as another function, too. Its a good way to remind students of deadlines and a friendly nudge to keep up with behaviors they'd been working on, and which have been slipping. At the end of each term, the kids take their journals home or if they wish, we recycle them.

Snacks:

Wouldn't the world be a nicer place if we all sat down and shared cookies?

Food softens reality and makes us feel good. Eating together offers a bond and it's hard to be angry when your mouth is savoring the taste of chocolate chips. I know it's an added expense for teachers, but I regularly buy snacks for my class. It's hard to concentrate when you're hungry and who can't relate to the impatient period before lunch when tummies are rumbling, or the draggy last period of the day when work is the last thing on your mind?

Beyond that, not all of my students come to school fed. I keep a fridge in my room and a microwave, and when they're hungry, they're welcome to ask for a snack. Some may criticize that students will take advantage of this luxury, but as a team, we ration our goodies and when the jar is empty, they have to make do until pay day. I have asked parents to contribute to this cause, and though most don't (or can't) contribute, it's always appreciated when they do, and a thank you note lets them know that.

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