Struggling with Sexuality

Life growing up was a struggle for me. Unlike most other people who struggled growing up, my struggles were much different. Most peoples struggles were or are due to a lack of money. Growing up poor, not having enough food, or clothing, wasn't my problem, being gay was. It truly affected me in many ways.

I remember being about 10 years old, and feeling scared, confused and alone. I noticed that I wasn't like most my girls my age, flirting with boys, having sleepovers, playing dress up and dolls. Instead I played with the boys, playing sports, cars and trucks, building treehouses and forts. I remember actually throwing a fit once because my mom wanted me to wear a dress and hair barrettes. To me that was punishment. Mom would sometimes bad mouth me and say things like " I didn't raise you to be a boy." or " why do you have to be such a tomboy, can't you play with other little girls?" Sometimes I would cry and ask myself what was wrong with me. I couldn't understand why I was like that. For several years I knew that there was something different about me, but I could never figure out what. But as I grew older, I looked back on the things I done, on the things I said, on the ways I acted, and I knew then that I was gay.

Although my childhood and adolescence I struggled with all those emotions, and also the effects caused by not knowing what it was that was bothering me. I went through extreme emotional times, feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, ashamed and embarrassed all the time, feelings of disgust, and I truly struggled to fit in somewhere. I finally realized that everyday struggles in a normal life can always be changed, but changing someones sexuality isn't possible. You are who you are at birth. Although some people don't believe that, I do. Most of the time, the ones who don't believe that theory, are heterosexuals.

I blame society for all the mislead information. They are the ones who understand nothing yet cause so many problems for gays. Why don't they investigate what makes a murderer a murderer, a rapist a rapist, or even why there are sexual predators violating children. Instead, they worry if we move in next door, attempt to adopt a child, or want to get married, and I really want to know why someone else has so much say so in my life? Why can't I marry who I love, why can't I adopt a child, why can't I walk in public holding my head up proud that I'm gay? Because society has labeled us monsters, we're disgusting to the human race, we aren't doing what God wants us to do. God created us all equal, and he created me the way I am, gay.

So I know all too well what struggle means. Learn to accept things for the way they are, accept people for who they are, learn to understand change, and diversity, and love people for who they are. I'm sure we will always have to struggle to fit into todays society, but if we could get people to understand homosexuality and put away their fears, we might just mingle quite well.