In a bar, supermarket, library, mall, coffee shop, gay men are pretty good at picking out their “family” members. But let's say we want to talk to them a little, what are our methods? Perhaps I'm naive, but I hope we don't still resort to the cheesy pick-up lines that are the subject of so many jokes. They don't work, by the way. Believe it or not, there is a real art form to the gay pick-up. Gay men tend to be critical and cynical in their assessments of one another so it is important to work with this and not against it.
First things first, you believe you have picked one out and you are interested in meeting him. Unless he's wearing a pride shirt, there is always the slightest possibility that your gaydar was down and he's actually into the ladies. Hopefully, you will be spared of this doubt by his checking you out as well, but you never know. Do not hesitate in approaching him – a hesitation comes off like a lack of self-confidence and that'll kill the deal before it is struck.
You need some openers to break the ice. If you are naturally smooth, it will come to you on the spot. If not, you might need to develop a magazine of openers for various situations. Your opener has to accomplish a great deal. It needs to dispel any myth of your sexuality, it has to lend itself to a conversation that will dispel any myth about his and it needs to distract him from being uncomfortable. It also needs to be vague enough to leave some negotiating room for your motives, in case you need an out. One of my most successful openers tends to go something like this:
“Excuse me, that's an interesting jacket. Did you get that down at…” Then I think of a trendy store perhaps near a known gay area. This kind of works because unless he's a complete social idiot, he has to respond but is not quite sure if you just insulted or complimented him – leaving the power with you. By the way, if he is not what you expected or hoped for, end the conversation now. Thank him for the information and move on.
However, if you want to continue with this guy, then goal is to control but not dominate the conversation and get him wanting to talk to you. You need to speak with purpose, not aimlessly and you must not relinquish power to him by allowing a lull or giving him a pathetic carte blanche compliment like “wow, you're so hot.” You will come off like a total loser. If you feel you must give him a compliment, try looking surprised and saying “hey you kind of have nice eyes.” (I'm not a huge proponent of the straight out compliment during the pick up procedure – this is better left to an actual date).
In any event, his response does not actually matter. You just have to navigate the conversation to a point where you naturally introduce yourself. For example, as soon as you can see him relaxing to you, tell him you have seen him around and have often admired his style, then offer your hand to shake, stare him in the eyes and tell him your name.
As soon as he responds, inform him that you have run but suggest chatting over a coffee sometime and offer your number. If you have worked this well, he will seem amenable to the idea and offer you his number as well. If collecting numbers is your game, then congratulations you can move on. If you really want to ogle this stud over coffee, seal the deal now – suggest a time and place within a 24 to 48 hour time frame and forget the phone call exchange. That's an entirely different ballgame.
