Why Should Others Decide Whom I Marry?

Have you ever wondered why so many other people have so much say so in your own personal life? Well, me too.

We hear everyday from parents whose child has come out and said he or she is gay, "I didn't raise them to be gay." or " It's just a phase their going through." We as gays hear comments like this everyday, whether it's from our own families, some religious group, or even our own President. But do we ever hear anybody disagree, whether hetrosexuals can marry, and what limits do we see imposed on them? None. We hear "It's not the Christian thing to do. God doesn't want that." If any person is truly a Christian then he or she would not discriminate against myself or other gays. They in turn would be understanding and forgiving, because as they say, that's what God does. I'm under the belief that God created us all, and created us equal. If being gay is so wrong, then I want to know why I was born gay?

Being gay is not the easiest way of life. In fact it is very difficult at times to just survive in todays society. Being born this way does not make us monsters, or make us evil people. We are still the same person inside, we love the same, we feel the same pains, we can function in a normal world if people would just let us. We are still the same daughter or son, the same sister or brother, or even a friend. Who we love or how we love doesn't change the person we are.

Society is the only thing that changes us. From all the laws against us, the President banning gay marriages, the hate crimes against us, we don't have a chance to live freely, and love freely, that's not eqaulity to me.

I'm just so tired of waiting for the permission to marry the person I love.

They say that a child should be raised only by a mother and a father, but if that is the belief, then why is it ok for a single mother to raise children alone? And not ok for two people of the same sex to raise children? That makes no sense.

I'm trying to figure out where I fit in to todays society. I'm a 39 year old lesbian, have been as far as I could remember. And since that day, my life has been really rough. I can remember as a child, being scared and feeling alone. I remember certain things back then that I had done or thought about, and even though I didn't know what it was then, thinking about it now, I know I was born gay. I would show off in front of girls, girls I thought were pretty, I even had fatuations about The Bionic Woman, and Wonder Woman...I watched those shows religiously every week. When I was 13 I had an attraction to a neighborhood friend, she was my first kiss. I knew then I was gay. That's really when all my troubles started. It went from my family tormenting me about it, to classmates making fun of me, labeling me as lezzy whenever I was around. It got to me everyday, because I started thinking I'm weird, I'm gross for liking girls.

I grew up in a small town, and everyone knew your business. So it was very hard growing up knowing I was different. As I got older I thought the only way to end the suffering was to do what everyone else wanted me to do or thought I should do, and that was date guys. I dated a few, but never far from my mind was my childhood sweetheart. I thought about her a lot, and wished some day we could be together again. But as I soon found out, she wasn't gay. So I eventually met a guy and dated for a lot of years, eventually married him and had two kids. I tried changing, I tried not to think about how I really felt. It never went away.

I finally realized that I was unhappy in my life because I was a lesbian and living a lie. Now I'm divorced, and a grandmother of three, and with the love of my life, the one I hope to spend the rest of my life with. Someday I hope to marry her. I'm just so angry at why so many people have so much say so over my life. All I asked is this, Let me live freely, and love whomever I choose freely. Because I'm gay, doesn't make me any less of a person.