Analysis of story:
Now that my cousins are so richly successful, they have achieved their revenge. The Philippino wife can compare my beautiful, accomplished cousins to her own children, who have fared worse. Like some American-born Asians, they grew up spoiled and worthless. Haha, sort of like me, I suppose. Hehe. (While writing this part of the story, my sister Christy comes up to me and I snapped at her, which was really uncalled for. Sorry Christy!!! Anyway, when I write an angry story full of injustice, I tend to have those feelings, so Melanie has had to suffer through a few of my quiet, seething angers when I wrote something maddening.)
Now, this story does not belong to me. I would love to write more on it and make a comic book on it, but my aunt has expressed the desire to write this story, so I will leave it to her. Besides, I have my parents' stories to worry about.
Forgiveness
I hope I'm forgiven. I've been thinking about deleting the rant because the story is much better, but maybe both rant and story are needed to understand the whole picture, the ying-yang of hate and love. I suppose the point of the story is that it's no good to compare people's live stories to each other, and that it's much better to share stories. They've been successful in their own stories, so I should look upon them as models in my own quest for success, even if my goals are different. (Update: the cousins sent us a box of clothing and I sneered at the clothing until my mother snapped at me, and I continued to be moody.)
3: Stop berating myself for being such a slow learner
It's true I read a lot, but that does not mean that I am a quick learner. Usually, I am so mesmerized by a certain writer's quirk and expressions that I completely pass over the message. In order to relax my mind these two weeks, I've been reading about religion, biology, physics, chemistry, and I'm re-recognizing how beautiful our world is. I lost that vision in my worries, because my fears poisoned and darkened the world.
Advantages of learning slooooowly
Anyway, being such a slow learner has a few advantages. I can be gentle and slow as a diligent water buffalo and accomplish much over a period of years, instead of wasting energy and mood in haste and anxiety. I can conjure disparate ideas months and years after I learn them, which means-usually, when I explain a cool idea, I am met with skepticism and laughter because I've actually forgotten the original idea and have introduced my feminist, Taoist, socialist, puzzled out(or in)look.
Well, I needed a place to rant and story-tell. I'm glad I wrote all this.
