Sunrise…July 25… the southern Colorado Rockies. As I gaze at the spectacular sight of the sun rising over the mountains, I ponder what is ahead for me in the next few days as I attempt to backpack up to the peak of one of these mountains. I am apprehensive. My stomach somersaults with anxiety.
Did another woman like me gaze at these mountains 150 or 200 years ago? Did she find them beautiful and yet frightening? Did she ask how she would find the strength to cross them? Did she fear for the safety of her family and herself? Did she wonder why they had ever left the security of their home? Were there going to be economic opportunities for them on the other side of the mountains? Was it worth the risk?
John Faragher addressed some of these questions in his book, Men and Women on the Overland Trail. He noted that women's roles in pioneer families were generally passive and that meant that many women were reluctant participants in crossing. A diary excerpt from his book states “From Mrs. Morrison's own lips I learned…that the journey for which she was bending all her energies in preparation, was not in her judgment a wise business movement; but "Wilson wished to go", and that settled the question with her.” Faragher continues that “Women reluctantly agreed to the emigration because they were dependent upon their families for society and companionship and upon their husbands for livelihood and support. Husbands and families were crucial to women's identities…”
By the time the travelers were ascending the foothills of the Rockies, most women were frustrated in trying to keep normalcy within their families. “The loss of a sense of home - -the inability to “keep house” on the trail - was perhaps the hardest loss to bear, the thing that drove women closest to desperation. In their diary entries, women wished fervently for a return to the familiar routines of home and farm life.”
Louisa Frizzell wrote in her diary, “I feel tired and weary, O the luxury of a house, a house!” Women feared that the “physical foundations of domesticity - - their homes - - had slipped irretrievably from them, that they were moving into a wild and savage land where, perhaps, they would discover that homes were nonexistent and women frightfully oppressed.”
According to diary entries, the greatest struggle of women on the trail was the struggle to endure the hardship and suffering without becoming bitter and resentful. Esther Hanna wrote, “I try to be brave but in times like these my spirit falters…we expected to endure hardships and we must endure them like good soldiers. May the Lord give us the strength to do so!” Faragher states that “for women the trip west was a test of their inner strength…on the trail women called up resources of courage and will which were stockpiled for just such emergencies.”
Faragher's book confirms for me that there were women who asked the above questions of themselves.
I question myself in the context of today. I had chosen to come on this trip to prove to myself what I was capable of doing. I also did not know if another opportunity like this would come along in my lifetime. Superficial reasons compared to the pioneer's struggle for economic opportunity but my reasons none the less. As I look at the beautiful yet frightening mountains in the strong morning light, I wonder if I have what it takes to make it to the top.
For five days I will be out of the reach of most communication methods. I will have to let go of any control I might think I have over life's events and trust others to lead me. I will be dependent on a 22-year-old guide. My family will be dependent on one another. As the pioneer women before me, I will look to God for strength and guidance.
More than a century and a half separate our journeys; however, we share many feelings and questions as we make our way up into these majestic monsters of nature. As women before me did, I will pull from deep within myself to find the strength and endurance to persevere.
