10. You're seen at the mall in diapers, but it's not part of one of those New Year's Baby costumes.
9. You wake up in your neighbor's living room watching “The Best of Betty Boop.”
8. The police are asking you how you managed to get your car on the top of the municipal courthouse flagpole.
7. You're found hugging a Debby Boone album cover.
6. The guy whose party you attended is asking, “What's this stuff in my clarinet?”
5. For the next six months, no one makes eye contact with you.
4. There's a message on your answering machine from Lindsay Lohan saying, “Way to go!”
3. You find a receipt in your pocket for a thousand dollar donation to the “Save the Chipmunk Coalition.”
2. You're not really sure why there's a tattoo of Elaine Stritch on your chest.
And, the number one way a guy can tell that he's had too much to drink on New Year's Eve:
1. On your nightstand is a wedding license and in the space for the bride's signature is a hoof print.
Enjoy the holidays, but please don't drink and drive. Remember, alcohol and gasoline don't mix. Well, they do, but they taste terrible.
