You experience flatulence:
- (a) 1 - 6 times a day, but I manage to keep them well hidden and pretend it's someone else.
- (b) 7 - 14 times a day, they just pop out when I laugh, sneeze, or bend over.
- (c) 15 - 20 times a day and I don't care who's around.
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Pain
- (a) I am not in any pain, the alcohol hasn't worn off yet.
- (b) I have a pain that moves around in different places on my body every day.
- (c) I can predict the weather from my pains.
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Sight
- (a) I have 20/20 vision, but I don't read much.
- (b) I'd have 20/20 vision if I squint hard enough.
- (c) Visions? When? Who had them? Stay away from the light! They only want you dead so they can spend your cash.
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Music
- (a) My music is not loud, it's just different.
- (b) Most young people play their music too loudly.
- (c) Most people play their music too quietly.
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Driving
- (a) I'll be there in an hour.
- (b) Two hours, depending on traffic. I should get there in time for a cup of tea before we start.
- (c) Where is it I'm meant to be going?
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Crushes
- (a) Oh, I've got such a big crush on him.
- (b) Crushes are overrated.
- (c) I don't crush the pills, I just take them whole, with water.
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Memory
- (a) I can't remember how much I paid for it. Doesn't really matter, it looks good on me.
- (b) I paid £6. 79 for it. I got 20% knocked off in the sale.
- (c) When I was 10 years old, it cost £ 3.95. They don't make them like that anymore.
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By the way, if you've picked c in any of these, you're not getting old, you've already arrived. In that case, welcome oldie, and watch that bucket, you don't want to trip over it on your way in!
