Receiving the news
For many women, discovering that they are pregnant is the best news in the world.
On the flip side, some women are faced with the biggest dilemma of their lives, when possibly a pregnancy was unplanned, poorly timed, or in some devastating circumstances, a result of an incident such as rape. The pregnancy may then be the worst news a woman could receive.
For those women who welcome the news, they begin an exciting journey of planning the arrival of a new life.
What about those women for whom pregnancy just isn’t right for them?
Options
Every woman has a right to choice. They may not always be aware of their choices, but they do have a right to awareness of these.
Abortion remains a dirty word, tantamount to a swear word for many people. In today’s society, opinions have barely changed, and the concept of abortion remains a very negative one.
For those contemplating abortion, the first thing they should do is visit their GP to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and of course what options are available to them.
In the UK a woman can currently have an abortion up to 24 weeks pregnant, however the earlier in the pregnancy they have this, the less traumatic it will be.
Abortions are available on the NHS, however a woman must fit into certain criteria to be eligible for this. Alternatively there are many private abortion clinics all over the country, but the services offered can be pricey.
My story
In 1999, following a marital split, caused primarily by years of unsuccessful fertility treatment, I had a brief relationship with a man, and amazingly I found myself pregnant.
What should have been the best news in the world for me, instead, presented me with circumstances that were far from ideal. I had finally got the chance to have my much wanted baby, but was I in a stable relationship?
At the age of 26, one thought dominating my mind was that my biological clock was ticking, and this may be my one and only chance to be a mother.
Unfortunately for me, the father of my baby got ‘cold feet’ and decided almost immediately that he did not want to be a father. This put an immense strain on me, as the concept of abortion was something I had very strong views on.
As a nurse I had worked on gynecology wards, and had seen wards crammed with young girls, waiting like lambs to the slaughter, to have abortions. The memories I had of that were dismal, and I did not want to be one of these women.
On discovering the news, I was only 5 weeks pregnant, so fortunately had time on my side to make a choice.
The pressure was upon me from day one, as my then partner was adamant he would not be part of the pregnancy, and insisted I had an abortion.
To complicate matters, he then resumed his relationship with his ex-partner, and therefore was focused on that relationship, not ours.
I was devastated. I had never felt so alone and frightened. And the worst feeling was knowing that only I could make the decision on keeping, or killing my baby.
At a time when my mind was all over the place, the father of my baby persuaded me to attend a private abortion clinic to “discuss” the possibility of aborting my baby. He said it as if he was doing me a favor!
The thirty mile drive seemed to take forever. When we entered the waiting room of the stark white clinic, it was occupied by several couples, there for one reason, and one reason only…… to end a life.
The bizarre thing, that I remember so vividly even to this day, was that there was an immense atmosphere, and not one of the couples appeared to be conversing. Almost as if no one really wanted to be there?
I felt physically sick, waiting for my name to be called. Part of me just wanted to run out of the clinic, but I felt the pressure was really on me, and there was no going back.
Then my time had come. A gentle faced nurse called me through to a room, again stark and clinical feeling. I assumed the episode would be medical in nature, but in fact all that was in the room were two chairs, a coffee table and a box of tissues.
Throughout our entire conversation, I fought back tears, lip quivering, I was trying to appear together, as if I knew what I wanted when deep down the last thing I wanted was to be there.
Fortunately for me, the kind nurse must have seen hundreds of ‘mes’ in her career, and detected very quickly my reluctance to even be there.
Before I knew it, I was blurting the entire story to her, through floods of tears.
