The outcome was that the nurse told me I was no where near ready to make such a big decision, and being very early in my pregnancy, she encouraged me to consider my options more carefully, and return only if I really was definite I didn’t want the baby.
She reinforced everything I had been through to get pregnant in the past, and questioned why I would so easily give up on my dream.
I owe that lady so very much. Had she not offered me such wise, yet simple words, my beautiful seven year old son would not be here today.
Removing a life
Seven years down the line, I have recently given birth to my second son. With difficulty conceiving, I was again referred for fertility treatment.
By freak chance, two days before Christmas 2006, I attended hospital for an unrelated reason, and discovered I was in fact already 14 weeks pregnant without even realizing it.
My circumstances this time round are far happier, and entirely stable. I remember every stage of my pregnancy, whereas I have no memories of the first.
I struggle even now to comprehend how my life would have been, had I taken the step to abort my baby. Where would I be? What career path would I have taken? What relationship history would I have?
Having struggled for most of my son’s life, to work full time and bring him up as a single mum, I still don’t regret my decision.
I scrutinized my recent pregnancy. Amazed at the ‘presence’ my baby had, growing inside me. I felt him kicking from an early stage, but as I was unaware of the pregnancy, put it down to ‘wind’.
I remember having a scan at 21 weeks, and being amazed at the rate of growth. We discovered we were having a boy, and were even told his estimated birth weight.
This was a life growing inside me, how could anyone consider removing that life?
I continue to be amazed that the abortion laws allow women to expel fetuses, or should I say, live beings, as if they deserve no chance in life.
I pray that the abortion laws change, to reflect a more ‘reasonable’ and ‘humane’ time that a baby should be aborted. The sheer hell that a woman must have to go through to actually have to give birth to an established, yet dead fetus as late as 24 weeks is truly beyond comprehension.
The physical and emotional scarring that then ensues, and stays with a woman for life really does need to be taken into consideration, when allowing someone the right to remove a life inside them.
I still live with the guilt that I nearly aborted my baby, even though I didn’t, it is there with me, regardless.
Women need to seek as much advice and support as they can, before they make hasty and regrettable decisions. If a decision is made knowing that you have weighed up all possibilities, it is a much easier one to live with.
Several years down the line, I have no regrets about the path my life took. It has not been easy at all.
My son’s real father will always live with the regret that he chose not to be involved in his son’s life, but that is his decision, and he has to live with that all of his life.
