Antidepressants

The ever growing numbers of divorce cases in the United States has now hit home. My wife of twenty years feels trapped and has cheated. My feelings are hate, rage, hurt and sadness as many years of friendship and love have been thrown away for greed and lust. She stated that she wants to be free and that she is not worthy of such a good man. What? Not worthy? I see many characteristics in my soon to be ex wife and selfishness and a strange sort of emotional detachment is ever present. The fact that she has been on antidepressants for the last four years started to weigh on my mind when a neighbor who has three cute children and a seemingly happy life went to our doctor and was prescribed antidepressants. Within 6 months to a year she began an affair with the neighbor who just so happened to be one of the best friends of her husband.

As a friend I went to talk to and council them at this most difficult time. The one emotion I could read from the wife's face was of detachment and self righteousness. She felt justified and right to do what she did. The serious lack of real emotion was disturbing to me and I had a nagging feeling ever since that she had been medicated into a numb state, that blocks the normal responses to life's rollercoaster. If every event in ones life is filtered the full emotional impact of events is never truly felt. I have a concern that antidepressants instead of making one less depressed just makes one less stimulated in a cognitive way. A mind numbing of sorts that makes one less able to feel and this is then projected to others as the norm. If I don't think it hurts that bad why do you? A lust for stimulation develops that can not easily be satiated. A dampened sensory input causes a hunger for ever increasing emotional stimulus leading to alcoholism, cheating, adventure seeking behavior and scapegoats. “You don't excite me anymore”.

“There has to be more than this”, “I have to see what is out there”. Many have seen it, heard it, and felt its wrath. Start the conversation. Explore the theory. Look at yourself do you really need antidepressants or just the strength to really feel the world. Find friends, restart romance. The ability to seek and find happiness is within all of us. Talk to your doctor. If you are not diagnosed with a true psychological disorder and just take antidepressants to take the edge off of life, rethink and explore your inner self and those around you that love you unconditionally.

It's amazing what could happen. As for me this is my first installment into a wild ride of a life that for now is holding on by a thread. If this quick snapshot of life and advice gets some readers and interest I will write follow-ups and continue my story going back many years and through many lives. An autobiography of sorts with many diversions and feelings from a regular guy who currently feels we are just bugs hoping to not get squashed. My story is American, from immigrants to steel mills to the change in generations following The Vietnam war. I witnessed a change in the country and the world and will bring it all to you from my unique perspective. My pain and joy might just get a conversation started as to how we can all live better lives and become less greedy, and more loving and accepting to one-another. A goal. One of many.