Win a million, or just enough to buy a six pack? These folks have tried for the “Big Payout”!
Will the real Jackass please stand up?
Is there anyone in America that does not know who Jackass is? The MTV stars that have permanently maimed themselves for your entertainment. Well, it seems that we are fortunate enough to have more than one Jackass in this country. Now that's not so hard to believe in itself. If I were a betting person, I would estimate the number of Jackasses in the country is in the millions, but only one is taking exception to someone else using his legal name. Yes, I said it, his LEGAL name his Jack Ass. It seems that Bob decided to ditch that boring name, and go with something a little more memorable. Jack Ass. 1997 must have been a dull year for Bob, I mean Jack. Now he claims that the TV show Jackass has damaged his reputation. Now in all fairness to Jack (Bob) he is trying to raise awareness of driving drunk. So, let's think about this. Wouldn't a group of Jackasses acting like, Jackasses actually help his cause? Warning! Do not ponder this too long, it may make your brain hurt. Only in America is someone offended for not being the #1 Jackass.
Warning! Killer whale!
A man was found naked in the tank of an Orca whale. Besides being naked, he was dead. He was a drifter who decided to swim with the whale, slipped past the guard and proceeded to get in the tank and drown. The average rational adult would think that he died as the result of his own poor judgment. No way! His family is claiming that there was not proper warning about the “killer” whale. I guess the sign should read “Killer Whale. We really, really mean it. We are not joking. Do not get naked and jump in the whale tank. Really.” Would that have deterred someone hell bent on swimming with an Orca? I think not. So now the family is dragging this through our already clogged up court system, hoping to get a “whale” of a settlement.
Staying Abreast of Danger!
A law suit has been filed against a strip club. Not a big deal? Oh, but it is for the stripper claiming to have the biggest breasts in the world, weighing in at 40 lbs a piece. According to the victim, the stripper hit him in the head with these “lethal weapons” and caused him bruises and contusions and lacerations on his neck. Followed by the usual emotional distress, mental anguish and indignity. First of all, how does getting hit in the head with a breast cause a laceration? If you look in Webster's Dictionary, a laceration is a rough, jagged tear. Noted in the lawsuit, the victim was sitting close to the stage. Apparently he had not planned on being attacked by a couple of huge, wild beasts, I mean breasts. Someone explain to me how a grown man, who enters a strip club by his own volition, and picks a front row seat, can claim indignity? Once again, let's see what Webster's has to say. Indignity = degrading abusive treatment. Isn't that what the patrons pay for? I can only imagine the victim telling the boys around the water cooler on Monday morning about the “lacerations” on his neck. He was fighting off a gang of breasts. I can see warning signs going up in strip clubs all around the country.
It's All About Me!
A woman was having a minor outpatient procedure when something went wrong. She was being rushed to emergency surgery by the staff. Her two adult daughters were in the hallway and happened to see their mother in distress being rushed to surgery. No sooner was the patient's life saved and she was out of the hospital, the daughters filed a lawsuit against the staff and hospital. Malpractice, neglect, intentional injury? Not hardly. The daughters were suing for the distress that they suffered seeing their mother being rushed to surgery! A word of advice to Mom, be afraid, be very afraid and change your will quickly!
