If you want your divorce case to be resolved, do not anymore hesitate to take it to court especially if you are already decided on your moves.
Of course, getting your case in court has pros and cons and the ones affected are mostly the children, if you have children. Court cases are usually emotionally draining, devastating and expensive for both couples. Either you choose to have a mediator or just get it to court and get it over and done with. Anyway you already chose to leave your marriage and want to leave your spouse and never live with him. What is the point of dilly-dallying? Go ahead and have it resolved in court as it is the most rational thing to do.
In court, you have to be prepared of the negotiations you will make with your spouse regarding with different issues like custody of your children and properties.
For your preparation for the negotiation, you should remember the following and be guided to a smooth divorce process:
- Know your spouse’s needs. This is not the time for selfishness, if you really want to be relieved of your situation, you must do what you have to do the right way. Keep in mind what he really needs and try to consider that in your decisions.
- Know your own needs. Please divide your needs from your wants. Apart from thinking your partner’s need, you have to think also of your own needs and strike a balance in your decisions. Do not give it all the way but do not be selfish as well.
- By not being selfish and thinking of your own needs, both of you will be able to find a common ground and agree on your decisions instead of picking up old fights with each other.
- Always be open and accommodating. Mentally give your spouse a signal of what you do not need as of the moment.
- Be ready with your lawyer. Do not hide anything from him and discuss all the details of your marital situation.
- Appraisals. Try to check the value of your assets. Get the lowest figures for the assets you most want.
During the negotiation, you must also keep these things in mind to make your negotiations a success:
- Always negotiate in person. Never miss a negotiation schedule because this look bad on you and it will appear that you are not ready to do this.
- Never be emotional during the negotiation because this is not the venue for heated discussions and arguments. Stick to whatever aspect of the divorce you need to talk about.
- Be creative on how you would manage and split up things between you and your spouse.
- If you need to end the negotiations, end to it. Do not go back and forth. Decide when you need to decide.
Here are the following additions to what you should remember during negotiations:
- In divorce, there are no winners. Both have you have caused pain to one another and eventhough you win custody over, a broken home is still a broken home.
- In negotiations, there are no spaces for heated arguments. Do not go back to sore spots.
- Never use your kids as pawns in a chess game. They need special handling especially during the divorce process.
- Never do alienate your ex-spouse’s family. It would never help and ties would no longer break.
- End the process if you have to. Be direct and precise on what you want.
- Never expect emotional resolution because you will not get it right away. It will come if the time is right.
- Always be cooperative to get things done on time.
- Create a healthy and friendly relationship with your ex.
- Never approve of becoming your ex’s bed buddy.
- Never plan revenge because it will not get you anywhere. Go and move on with your life.
There you go. Keep in mind, after this turmoil look a good life ahead of you. Start again your life and build your future.
More Divorce Advice from The Real Crafty Lady
