Are the sinkers of yesterday's fear's.
Reeling victims with a taunted line without mercy,
And casting uncontrolled fears into darkened pools of inadequacy.
Subjection of self and relationships into the raging currents and perils
of burdensome emotions, nets feelings of helplessness, schools in numbers,
then withdraws alone, into its vision.
Hungry,
yet hooked to an inner strength to survive, then live!
Wrestling with each invisible wound, during the sunrise of learning patience
while striving to overcome captivity!
Yesterday is experiences, not defeat-
releasing the camouflaged pain of denial, while fighting the line
vigorously for freedom!
Swept within an eddy pf desperation, then spit out in a New direction
with hopes to escape
the binding line weakens through Love of self and others, then breaks.
“You did the best you could!”
The hurt fades into a memory, forfeiting the fears, to challenge its validity
And share with others the healing power of facing reality, not an ideal!
When a person has gone through different levels of trauma, some more extreme then others, these once submerged recollections re-emerge into fears whether in the day time, or through reoccurring nightmares of the evening.
. I view this reliving of fear as a parallel to fishing while entrapped on a line and feeling inadequate as a victim on the hook, as the situation of hopelessness reoccurs, as past trauma's!
Loosing the ability to fight against such deplorable odds often results in some form of submission of self, to limit the blows of pain. Later in life exhorted into a sense of shame and embarrassment, once out of danger and moving into survival. Dominos of mixed emotions incurs a disruption and sometimes rejection in the circle of friends or family if exposed, or about to be. Once fantasizing the possibility of reacting differently to be a hero and not a victim of weakness without a support system creates a concern of future rejection. Role- playing through out life without past recollection in present thought now submerged out of no-where bursting out the haunting effects and invades the presence..
My present, loving husband bends over as I sleep to give me a kiss. I awaken in a scream of horror, as the past abuse comes to light, at that subconscious moment.
Some times a weeping child, though now an adult cries out for its ma, ma in the night. My companion embraces me with a tender voice, “Its only a bad dream now!”
Hungry to do more then just survive and the need to find an inner peace returns. Learning to live without secret increases the desire for a formula to move on. This line to the past weakens its hold with love of self, as self-esteem escalates the consequential hurt fades away.
The ideal is the hurt and pain to be gone forever, but unfortunately not in this lifetime.
To understand in the Garden of Gethsemane the Savior experienced each individual pain and suffering for all his children individually, thus He understands and judgment will come to those that haven't repented over creating your afflictions and certainly your hurtful comments or wrong doings to others as well.
Though the impact lessens with understanding, try not to dwell too deeply on the scars, but pray for strength to rise above the fears with love.
Each one of us have agency to support or if loved ones choose to reject sometimes a surrogate parent figure or friend helps fill the void of disappointments.
Since I believe I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father in heaven that He is my spirit Father and role model of LOVE, when earthly experiences have been a let down.
Same as a Mother in Heaven, so when rejected by my earthly mother I didn't feel totally alienated and unlovable anymore! Once I looked up to certain people for safety and love for many years weren't emotionally available but I understood and felt the Love of my Heavenly Parents in its stead.
Sometimes an ideal doesn't give you a storybook ending, but reality of our purpose and where we came from does. As we continue to share we feel the healing power and bonding of love and support for one another, and not continue living life as a victim!
