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I have always led my life believing it is, but oftentimes experience has shown me, that when I am honest, without rude or mal-intent, people’s feelings get hurt, relationships break up, and sometimes things become irreparable.
I always try my best to preface my straightforward, matter-of-fact personality to people I believe care about what I have to say. I say this because I know how sensitive people are as a whole. We are all sensitive. We all started off as babies in this world that cried, laughed and smiled instinctively; reacted without thought, reacted spontaneously to our true feelings. And, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. To be sensitive is to be human.
As we have grown older, however, slowly society begins to teach us the difference between “appropriate” and “inappropriate” behavior: how one should respond to specific situations, telling us that if we act differently, we will not be accepted, or we will be disliked, scorned or even ostracized. Be liked, or be a black sheep - the alternative for most outweighs the potential risks.
While some of these learning tools are essential to social health as a whole, there is still much gray area to be had in any situation. Society teaches us more than naught to “be nice” and this often entails refraining from speaking the truth. This can, of course, can curtail many uncomfortable situations and hurt feelings, but it can also delay, mislead, and even completely create a false facade about a situation or a relationship. Spare a lover’s feelings for the moment and prolong an inevitable breakup or tell the truth and save each person time and a more difficult heart break that is sure to come with each day that passes?
When people fail to tell the truth, it is bound to affect other areas of their lives and eventually the person or situation that it deals with down the line. This is why, among many other reason of course, I believe, we have so many divorces, why so many people turn to “alcohol” the “elixir of truth”! Why so many people smoke, because in the end they don’t feel like they can be themselves. They don’t feel loved for who they are, they are trying to feel free, and they don’t feel anyone truly cares about who they are, because no one really knows; and, on and on the reasons abound as to why people continuously choose to turn to unhealthy life choices.
Though I may continue to lose people in my life, I believe that being objectively straightforward is the only way I want to live my life, to be me always. If I have a thought, I will share it. I have tact, I do not put people down, but I will give my honest opinion of something if someone cares to ask. I will not force my opinions and thoughts on others, but I will speak up if I feel it is right.
I will do all of this because this is living. This is living because it is being true to who I am. And, in doing so, I have found that initially people typically respond with awkward surprise, not knowing exactly how to react. Then, over time, their walls begin to fall down because they come to realize that they can be completely true with me too; that I will accept them for who they are, because this is how I have been with them. And, then I truly know them as a person behind all the social niceties that build walls rather than connect people. I do this, because this is the only way I know how to live.
There is a quote that I love that says something like this: "If you have one or two true friends, you have lived a good life."
I would rather live my life being honest and forthright with few to no friends, than ever be untrue to the very best friend in my life, the only true person who has been there for me always, the one person I know I can always depend on forever…me.
For more great reading by Liane Schmidt:
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