When one reaches the status of senior citizen - as I have - all that experience should be used for the common good, i.e. for those who still struggle to remain young. Let's then talk about being happy even though you believe that is not possible.
Is there an acceptable definition of Happiness? The answer is a robust no; every individual will tell you that being happy is an emotional state that has to do with personal goals and experiences. We therefore cannot pretend to impose our criteria of happiness, bliss, felicity, pleasure, ecstasy, joy, rapture (sorry, so many synonyms!) on others. For example, in my case, just getting through a root canal this morning made me happy or gleeful if you prefer.
But we are not talking of temporary contentment; we want to go through life in a state of permanent happiness, even if circumstances at times are not particularly propitious. It is therefore imperative to apply the following 3 golden rules in order to reach our goal:
You Make Yourself Happy
This phrase may sound preposterous to many people. But just think of the implications hidden behind these ordinary words. First of all, the opposite is also true: You make yourself sad or unhappy. Nobody else can make you happy or unhappy.
When you and I go through a particularly unpleasant situation, we tend to feel anger, sadness, frustration and/or desperation. All this is perfectly normal; we are after all human beings and we are capable of exhibiting all these emotions. But once we have vented our feelings, we can go back to our permanent underlying state of contentment, which must permeate the inner ego at all times.
The external ego (or that part of the ego in contact with the real world) will handle the relation with other human beings according to its needs. But the internal ego, which could also be called the subconscious, is the foundations upon which your whole personality rests. If it wobbles, the entire building may come crashing down.
You are Responsible for Building a Solid and Happy Internal Ego
When I use the terms internal and external ego, I am really talking about the same psychological structure; part of it is seen by others every day and the other part is only sensed in the background. You of course can choose to “open up” so as to allow trusted others to perceive your weaknesses and strengths. But normally, in every day life, you will only show your public ego (face?) and most people will judge you superficially on that basis.
So how can I build a solid Ego foundation that will sustain me through hell and high water? As soon as you reach adulthood (and that is another problematic definition), you must leave aside all excuses. “My parents did this and that to me as a child, and that's why I became a permanently disgruntled citizen” is no longer valid. You can change anytime, anywhere and “anywhen”.
As the subtitle says, the responsibility is all yours, so don't blame the government, the weather or your boss. If you really want to go through life as a happy, contented, satisfied and well-rounded human being, start now. And guess what! Things around you are starting to improve. You may get an unexpected raise, make a new friend, find the woman of your dreams, etc. People will somehow perceive that behind your public ego, there lies a wonderful and happy person who makes everybody feel better.
Always Look at the Positive Side
Every situation has a positive angle, though it may be difficult to find in some cases. Let's examine a typical example: This guy is driving like a maniac and just cut in front of you risking an accident. Before I started on my positive binge, I would have cussed the driver with my best repertoire in three languages. My gain? Nothing! The price? Elevated blood pressure and acid reflux; at my age, believe me, that is a nasty experience. Nowadays, when it happens, I find a good reason for his crazy behavior: The guy is driving his wife to the maternity; the guy will lose a million dollar business if he doesn't make it in time; he is late and will miss his plane. In other words, I put myself in his shoes and try to understand his motives. Of course, the guy may be high on drugs or escaping from the cops; but isn't it more satisfying to give him the benefit of the doubt?
Many years ago, I was fired from my job because of downsizing. End of the world or opportunity? I chose the second and since then I am doing what I really like, working in education with teenagers. Believe me, having a job you really enjoy is priceless. It will add years to your lifespan and save you thousands in healthcare.
These three simple (??) rules have worked for me; I only wish I had started sooner which would have saved me a lot of bitter bile and strained relations with wife and friends. So get to it; it becomes much easier as you progress (You didn't think this was an easy recipe, did you?). It may take you a year or two, but the benefits are huge so don't procrastinate, start today!
