Ask almost anyone anywhere what they really want out of life and nine times out of ten their answer will be "to be happy." Ask them further what will it take for that to happen and the answers seem to be simple. An overwhelming amount of people think that when they have that new home, new car, new job making good money, good health and that perfect love (is there really such a thing?) that they'll finally be truly happy.
Looking back over the years this isn't really too hard to understand. In America in the 1940's the idea of “The American Dream” was promoted. This started out in the beginning as everyone having a nice family and owning a nice little home with a white picket fence with a chicken in every pot on Sunday. But, then came along the Jones'. Everyone knows who they are, they seem to have everything. They live in the biggest, fanciest home in town, drive the best cars, wear the designer clothes, know the best people, go to the best places with their smiling faces in all the media. Let's face it The Jones' really do appear to be the best and most of us envy them. So we try to keep up with them as best we can, in fact a lot of us strive to become The Jones'. That's probably how the term “rat race” came into being.
The rat race, that's everyone running as fast and hard as they can to get all the goodies. Some people manage to get a lot of them. Does that bring happiness? I don't think so. There are too many examples of people who “have everything” who are miserable. Everyday we read and hear stories of these Jones' (their names are actually different) who commit suicide, get divorces, kill people, starve themselves to stay thin - you name it they do it. That's not my idea of what happiness is.
But I do know how to be happy and actually how to stay that way, at least the majority of the time. Here's how.
First, learn to be grateful for what you have. Whatever you don't have that you would like to have doesn't take away from what you do have. Check out your life you'll usually find plenty to appreciate. Whether you're healthy, strong, intelligent, have a good job you enjoy, or a family, you have things to be grateful for. One person I've known for years has this saying that goes, “Every day above ground is a good day.” Now that may seem really basic to some people but this person suffered with Crohn's for thirty years and never lost his zest for life. Another friend of mine has been legally blind since she was eighteen and although she is pretty close to totally blind now she still loves to go out dancing, singing and has learned to play several different musical instruments. Both of these people have learned to appreciate what they have and because of it they tend to be happy most of the time.
It's obvious that it's only when we think about what we don't have that we become dissatisfied. We look at the bigger home, the nicer car, the better clothes and all the other things that we think are better than we have. All of us know the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side and most of us also know once you go over to the other side it's actually not any greener at all. So one of the major keys is to learn to appreciate what you have. Try waking up every morning and looking for what you have to appreciate even if it's only being alive. You'll be surprised that the more you appreciate what you have the more you'll have to appreciate. Stay positive and be grateful for everything you have.
Next, and this is so important: learn to forgive everything. I know this is really a hard one. Everyone has been wronged in life. No one has gotten away from it. We have all been hurt in so many ways. People have had absolute atrocities done to them.
Forgive them. Forgive for yourself. You've probably heard this before but until you actually do it, you have no idea how wonderful it is. Whenever we carry grievances against other people all we do is poison ourselves with bitterness and hate and how can real lasting happiness grow in that condition? Forgiveness lightens your spirit and brings the sunshine into your life. There is this misconception that forgiving stuff is so unselfish - that's balcony - forgiveness is one of the most selfish things in the world. So do it for yourself - give yourself the gift of forgiveness - you'll never regret it. It's hard at first but after awhile when you see and feel the results in your life it will get easier and easier until it's almost a piece of cake.
Then, there's Love. Love yourself and do it for what you are right now, not for what you could have been or what you want to be. Love yourself just as you are. Once you love and appreciate yourself (and that doesn't mean being self-centered or arrogant) you'll also be able to love other people so much more. Psychology teaches us that until we love ourselves we have no way of loving others. It seems we can only love other people in relation to how much we love ourselves. For those who go by the golden rule “Love others as you love yourself” it's easy to see that the rule implies that first and foremost you must love yourself. For another thing when we truly love ourselves we find we don't have to pander to other peoples ideas of what we should be. People who love themselves find it easier to let themselves be genuine and real and isn't that what we all want to be. Then as a bonus we also get to be loved for who we really are.
Finally there are so many other things, like good health, a good job, more money, a wonderful partner - you know all the things we think will make us happy. If anyone will cultivate the first three things in their lives: gratitude for what you have, forgiveness of everything and everyone, and loving yourself, you will find that the other things will come into your life in the appropriate and necessary amounts.
Give it a try - what have you got to lose -dissatisfaction, bitterness, anger and unhappiness? What you could gain is a wonderful transformation of your life - and isn't that really why you wanted to read this article in the first place?
