Wash day comes faster than most of us care to acknowledge, and when it does, it can bring with it more trouble and torment than it's worth. For instance, to guarantee at least one rainy day per week, simply wash your laundry on the same day each week and always hang it outside. That way you'll have six beautiful, sunny days in a row, followed by one nice, big monsoon. In the winter time if you hang your clothes out, you'll have six relatively warm days in a row, and one big ice storm. This is convenient because you get to choose the day on which it will occur. Life isn't always that handy.
It has been said that if you wash your car it will rain the same day, and that may very well be true. But what is most likely to happen that same day is a dust storm the likes of which the desert has never seen, but only if you paid for the car wash. If you did it yourself, taking time out of your hectic schedule and getting yourself sopping wet in the process, then you have only yourself to blame when an inland hurricane strikes. You will find your car next tuesday parked ever so neatly up a tree with an eagle mama standing over it looking really puzzled.
In fact, I actually heard a Meteorologist state on the air one time, that it was getting too dry out and the fire hazard was wicked so he was going to go to the car wash in order to make it rain. Must be he did because it started raining that same day and did not quit for nearly a week. I sure am glad he didn't try to wash it himself, or I might be writing this from Oz right about now. I hope our local Meteorologist doesn't do his own laundry, or we can expect another cataclysmic flood.
There's another cute way to make it rain: Mow the lawn. The harder it is and the longer it takes you to finish, the more likely it is that the rain clouds are already forming and will be pouring cats and dogs before the mower engine cools off. This way, the freshly mown lawn gets nice and wet and takes a good long drink, so it can grow even faster. It always rains right after everyone in the neighborhood has mown their lawns. That's why we all do it pretty much on the same day, because everyone's lawn grows at the same speed. Mark it on your calendar.
Weather control really isn't all that difficult and rain dances are good for exercise only. It really only takes a little careful planning on your part, to get the kind of weather you want for any given day. You want a day off work, plan that sucker! Figure out what it takes to create a tornado that will rip your place of work right off its foundations. Just kidding, all you really need to do is call your boss and tell him you'll be in early for a change and you're leaving right now. You'll have four flat tires, and a dry gas tank for sure. The head cold with pneumonia will just be a bonus.
A truly perfect method for making foul weather is easy enough to arrange. All you need is a family reunion that you've been hoping to attend, and that should do it. An outdoor birthday party or wedding is another guarantee that rain is in the air. But the absolute best way to assure weeks and weeks worth of rain is to rip the roof off your house with intent to rebuild at some point in the future. A drought is just as easy to plan, simply dig your own swimming pool. Remember these easy rules for predicting the weather and you'll get along just fine. Just don't forget your umbrella.
