Second Chances

There is one question that everyone gets asked at a very early age. What do you want to be when you grow up? Some kids know from the very beginning, some kids change it several times and yet some adults never figure it out. Little boys want to be firemen and little girls want to be mommy's or nurses. But some of those little girls end up being doctors and some of those little boys teachers. It is all about finding your passion. When I was little I knew I would be a writer. There was no doubt in my mind. My second grade teacher read us the Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe and I remember being mesmerized by the fact that someone thought that whole story up. When I would see a movie or read a book I would think I wish I wrote that or perhaps thought I could have written it. Later in High School, my English teacher put me in an Independent Poetry Study because she saw something special and it made me feel special that someone else saw something in me that might give me a chance to shine. In college, I always aced the essay parts of my exams. I loved to write.

Writing was always my plan until life got in the way. I fell in love and had a family. Passions fell to the way-side and putting a roof over our heads and paying the mortgage became the priority. Three decades later, I am outside looking in. I watch as my daughter follows her passion which is drama. She has gotten in a prestigious school and loves everything about it. She is so sure that she is going to be a success that I have no doubt that she will succeed. It is funny; the one thing that side tracked me (having a family) is inspiring me to find mine again. My kids are encouraging me in different ways. I have always told them that they have an empty canvas just waiting for the master piece. I guess that I kind of thought that my canvas had been painted on long ago, front and back! But maybe it is not too late.

Four years ago, we lost our store, Rose In The Woods in an earthquake. Both of our cars were flattened by the roof of our building sliding down onto them. Two women died running out of the store next to ours. My daughter had asked if she could wait in the car while I ran in to open up. I thank God everyday that I talked her into coming in and helping me open because the two women were found between my car and another. Everything inside was lost inside of our store but stuff is just stuff and I would trade it all to have my daughter safe. I just can't imagine what it is like for those families that lost their loved ones. Four years later, the tragedy is still just as raw and real but life has gone on. When I hear of fires or earthquakes or storms that are happening to other people, I never can quite look at it the same way ever again. I remember standing in the park with the other merchants on our street and thinking, life is going on, people are actually still Christmas shopping a few miles away and have no idea what we have just lost.

I have had to reinvent my life and I no longer am a business owner. I work for other people. I never thought I would ever do that again. We had a very successful business and for whatever reasons, don't anymore.

I have learned that you have to find the good in the bad. Maybe my life had to change to allow me to find my true passions again. All I know is that it all could have been much worse. I thank God everyday that it wasn't. I have to learn to make the best of what is now. I have to trust Him to put me on the right paths and remember to include Him in the right direction each day.

I was married for fourteen years to my kid's dad. When we divorced I felt like a failure. I still have trouble letting those feelings go. Divorce for me was almost as bad as the death. My Dad dropped dead of a heart attack while jogging around the block when I was twenty six. And just recently my ex husband found out that he had lung cancer and within four months he was dead. He actually died on his birthday. Today is my anniversary. I have since remarried and ironically, we are celebrating our fourteenth year as well. Some people don't get second chances. I have been given them time and time again. I need to realize just how many blessings I truly have and embrace them. I have been scared to death of happiness. Perhaps I think that if you have it, it is something that can be taken away in a blink of an eye.

Sometimes second chances are a new marriage, a new job, a financial wind fall… or maybe, it is just the realization of second chances. It is never too late to go for that dream! To realize that just waking up is another opportunity to make a difference. It is never too late to appreciate second chances. I know this as I finally am able to pick up my proverbial pen to put more of the words inside of me down on paper.