About four weeks ago, I finally got a new job through a temp agency.
After all my struggles with going through one sales job after another that promised me the moon and the stars, but delivered rain clouds instead, I thought the stress level in my life would have been significantly reduced. However, I forgot how stressful a new job really is and can be.
While everyone I work for is very nice, the company and position incredible with much room for immediate growth and success, a new job is a new job and you must get used to everything, fit in with each new person, and keep your mind lucid and sharp to learn new things every single day for as long as the training process goes on. And, I had simply forgotten how stressful a new job could be.
“When you've gotten to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”-Thomas Jefferson
The first two weeks were half weeks. I started work the day after Christmas and as most people who have been following my personal struggle (may your lives always be blessed) know that I have been through much in a short period of time (i.e. being robbed, in great financial trouble as a result, stressed from not having a job and going on more interviews and trainings than I care to go into, with more “sales pitched” broken promises of job descriptions).
The holidays alone are often stressful by themselves for many people. I am no stranger to this phenomenon. Having been estranged from my adopted family for the past 8 years, I have chosen to spend the holidays alone for the past three years. Friends have offered to have me over, but its still such an emotional time for me; I just don't want to bring anyone down during the holidays. Plus, people don't know, and they often ask questions that are seemingly innocent, but tough to answer like: so what is your family doing for the holidays? What did you get them for Christmas? Etc…the list goes on.
In fact, this sort of general question asking goes on everyday of the year for me, making it very difficult for me to have a normal conversation with anyone past the initial pleasantries. I know this adds to the high levels of stress I have been going through lately. It makes thinking about dating and making friends more difficult. Most people start to ask about what you do on the weekends to be nice, or where you family lives, etc.
I could go on… but for now, I just needed to share some of these struggles, even this can be difficult because you open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable when you speak of personal struggles.
To find a remedy, for the high levels of stress I've been experiencing lately, not only do I sometimes still get my B12 shots (read about my experience in my previous article B12 Shots: The Newest Energy Booster, I also try experiment with other things that can potentially help.
Recently, I found this product called “Buried Treasure” Stress “B” Gone with Kava Kava. According to its description “Kava has been used in the South Pacific for centuries to help fight stress, anxiety, nervousness, and insomnia while promoting mental clarity.” It is packed with Vitamin C, B-1, B-2, Niacin, B-6, Folic Acic, B-12, Biotin, Pantothenic Acid, and Kava Kava (of course!). I have started it today and hope that it further helps eliminate my stress levels.
While my new boss told me that his company went through dozens of people and chose me and the first lady to interview me told me I was the first one they interviewed and that she just knew I was the one from the very start; I am still hard on myself. I've always been this way. Their words make me feel good, but if I make a small mistake, if I forget something, if I'm not performing at a level I can be most proud of, it I can be very hard on myself. I think most of us are or have been at some point in our lives.
God sent me an angel in my time of need.
While there are not many people I feel I can turn to right now on a regular basis there is one person in particular who is like a brother to me who has been helping more than words can ever express. I have known him for about the past five years and it has taken some time to open up fully to him. For example, it has only truly been within the past few months have I finally started to fill him in more on my everyday thoughts, dreams, and feelings.
This angel reminds me that I am still young and beautiful (spending too much time alone, away from family and friends who have hurt you can make you feel like the older person who has lost all their friends and family and are alone - I just experienced this life stage at a much younger age. While beneficially it gives me much perspective on life far beyond my years, it also makes it more difficult to find friends who have this depth of understanding. I could go on about this topic, but that would be another article.).
He also reminds me that I have so much to look forward to in life which I often forget. So, everyday I thank God for him, for quotes, for famous people I admire, and for the gifts that have been bestowed upon me and continue to be. These are the things that remind me that true angels do exist in this world and that everything I've always believed in my heart is true.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."- Anon
While sometimes I wish I had more friends, life experiences and intuition have taught me that truly “quality versus quantity” is the goal for anything in life.
Once again, thank you with all my heart for reading and sharing my story and personal journey and struggle. Sometimes you just need to share your thoughts with someone.
Best wishes and blessings to all.
