Get what you want in life,
I did!
Imagine going through each day, enjoying every moment, feeling proud and fulfilled because you have made it happen. You have chosen to get the life you wanted.
Many of us spend our days thinking, talking and dreaming about what our lives could be like "if only ..." we start diets, we join the gym, we play the lotto etc. and then we either give up or lose interest. We forget about what is important to us and as time passes by our dreams seem further and further away.
I would like to share my story with you. It may give inspiration to a few and that is all I could wish for. It is a story which shows that against the odds dreams are allowed and through determination dreams can be achieved.
My Story
I have reached a time in my life when I can relax, I am successful and love my job, I'm in happy marriage and have a stable home. My 3 children have grown into happy successful adults and I have financial security.
I come from a working class family and was bought up on a sprawling council estate in the seventies. People didn't seem to have a great deal; we had clothes from jumble sales, played on the streets all day. My parents both worked but any spare money would go to bingo and fags. We were known as the scruffy family in the street, the house was always unkempt and I don't ever remember there being an iron in the house. It was how we lived,
I grew up embarrassed and would never tell friends at school where I lived. My parents weren't terrible parents but in those days kids like us would just wander around the streets and took care of ourselves, I don't think my parents ever knew what we were up to and it was acceptable to us all. It was also usual to hide when there was a knock on the door; it may be the rent man or debt collectors who couldn't be paid. That was ok, that's how it was.
I know they loved us although it wasn't demonstrated with hugs or compliments and they certainly didn't do guidance or encouragement and our futures were never discussed.
My mother in particular was always very critical, of me especially. When I was 8-9 years old I was picked by the teacher to stand up in assembly to present a short speech (2 sentences) to a teacher who was retiring. I remember running home really proud because the teacher had said I `was the top of the class` and it should be me. I was glowing. When I got home my mum didn't even look at me; she carried on peeling potatoes and grunted `YOU. God I'd hate to see the others`. My heart sank.
It seemed to be something we did at home-put each other down. I do remember that my mother always seemed embarrassed by us. She always was comparing us to the kids down the road, always telling us that we were a waste of time. I grew up painfully shy, with extremely low self esteem.
The later years could have been predicted-I left school early aged 15, pregnant and with no qualifications; I had nothing. I had got involved with a bully when I was just 13 and I was scared of him, I tried to end this relationship many times but he thought nothing of lashing out if I said the wrong thing.
I was still young and this relationship also endorsed that I was pretty worthless and I didn't expect any better. I was always compared to others; either they were prettier, cleverer, better mothers, just better everything and if you are told often enough in your life it becomes a reality.
I am sure I have felt sorry for myself plenty of times over the years but today I don't. The reason: I know these phases of my life have made me ME!
I am proud to be me.
I have learned, grown, developed and made a success of my life. And I did this against the odds. I dared to think that I could change my miserable life and be someone my children could be proud of.
I know I am not alone and many people have experienced oppression and criticism which fester feelings of self doubt and worthlessness. These feelings spiral into low self esteem which impacts on every aspect of life.
What I hope to convey in my story is that YOU can make choices, YOU can change you life.
'What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life`.-Leo Buscaglia
