Men being funny

Over the years I have heard the men in my family say and do some real funny things. Let me share a few of them with you.

1. My Great Uncle couldn’t get his video recorder to tape so as a compulsive fixer upper he took it apart. I found him in frustration with all the parts of the video sprawled across the large dining room table. He couldn’t find what was wrong with it. Now picture my Great Aunt walking in and demurely saying “ did you remember to put a tape in ?” Need I say more ! Other then he did this twice!
2. On another occasion my Great Uncle came running out of the toilet exclaiming there was blood in his urine. In a panic he wanted to call his doctor as he feared cancer. My Great Aunt once again said “love we had beetroot for dinner.”
3. One day I notice my husband cleaning his nails with my nail file when I remarked on this he simply replied “ I am giving myself a mannequin.”
4. During our marriage my husband and I have had our fair share of problems but one year he assured me everything would get better as he said “ I made a new years revolution to treat you better!”. I could be wrong but I always thought the word was resolution.
5. One night a couple of years ago when my husband was doing volunteer work at 8pm I heard him spraying something in the bathroom and asked him what he was doing in which he replied that he was putting deodorant on for work remarking it was going to be a hot one. I said “ but you don’t leave for work until tomorrow at 6am.” He said “ well I am spraying it on now so I don’t wake you up in the morning from the noise from the spray”. He is nothing if not considerate.
6. My husband decided he was going to give up smoking so we got him some patches. I told him that he can’t smoke while on the patches as it could make him very sick and in some cases some people have been known to die. When he came home from his volunteer job he began vomiting. As he got closer to me I knew he had been smoking as I had given up smoking myself and can easily smell it. After I finished telling him off for smoking while on his patches he told me that technically he wasn’t smoking as he didn’t buy them. Huh?
7. My father in law bought and moved into a unit 2 doors down from me. The previous owner left these hanging flowers behind in the kitchen. You know where I am going with this one don’t you ? I told him they were awful and that’s why he probably left them behind but no he watered them everyday until they overflowed on him. Yes, you guessed it, they are plastic!
8. The weather person forecasted the temperature would be in it’s early thirties for the day. My husband turned to me and said “ I don’t think it got even close to thirty today, it felt quite cool”. All I could do was look at him speechless being that it was only 11 am. The day had only begun! For those who are wondering the temperature did reach it’s early thirties it was quite a warm day.
9. My male neighbour once told me he had a mini stroke. He simply remarked “ yep, my doctor said I had a brain fart”. Even though he is looking fine now I still tried not to laugh as I think he meant a Brain Infarction.
10. When I would do crosswords for magazines to win prizes I would get all excited about the prospect of winning such great prizes. On one such occasion there was a prize for an entertainment package valued at over ten thousand dollars which included a dvd recorder . I have a dvd recorder but none of the other great stuff but was excited at the idea of having the dvd recorder for the bedroom. Instead of my husband thinking of this as a luxury he was actually worried I would win it and frantically asked me what was I going to do with the other one. I could see how horrible that would be. Not ! Needless to say I didn’t win.
11. While my husband and I were waiting for my prescriptions in the chemist I decided to get a few things I needed. While looking my husband exclaimed at how dear the things were he was looking at. I said “that’s a very reasonable price” and asked him why home pregnancy tests would interest him anyway. In which he said “oh, I thought they were toothpaste”.

Now this is only but a few of the weird and wonderful things men have said to me over the years and us women are victims of saying the wrong thing too but men sure make me laugh with the things they say and do.