Pregnancy Advice for Expectant Fathers

You're pregnant! You've been working hard and stressing out because you're expecting to bring a newborn baby into the world in just a few short months. But nobody around you seems to notice. Nobody ever says you look pregnant--maybe it's your penis that's been throwing them off. Congratulations. And welcome to the world of the expectant father.

As an expectant father, you'll never go through that special (i.e., painful) experience of carrying a baby inside of you for nine months. I expect you've already accepted that fact. But that doesn't mean your partner should be playing single parent for nine months while you go on with your life as though nothing has changed. If you're serious about nourishing and supporting your new child, it should begin the moment you see that positive pregnancy test. If you want to be a good expectant father, you'll have to make a few changes. In all honesty, being a good daddy to be isn't anywhere near as difficult as being the mommy. So let's step up and do our part.

Being a good expectant father is basically a nine-month-long string of little tasks with a few bigger responsibilities in between. Most of the things expectant fathers have to do require dedication, common sense, and patience. But you can take comfort in knowing that they are mostly small, simple tasks.

The expectant father can count on being frequently woken up to make breakfast items or bedtime snacks during the pregnancy, or to go grab the prenatal vitamins that your baby mama forgot to take that day. The expectant father may also take on some of the household chores your baby mama used to do; if you're really doing a good job, you'll take on these chores without being asked to. This sudden increase in at-home work can get exhausting when all of these little tasks pile up and never seem to end, but try to keep a good attitude. Getting crabby and throwing a fit at your baby mama when she asks you to make her a bowl of cereal will make you look irrational and mean, regardless of the fact that you've been doing these little tasks all day. Remember that you'll only be asked to take on these extra responsibilities for the next nine months... and by nine months I mean eighteen or more years. (Expectant fathers don't get a vacation before jumping into actual fatherhood, after all.)

On top of being given these new tasks, the expectant father will also be required to constantly make sacrifices for the sake of the baby mama's comfort throughout the many stages of pregnancy. Maybe your baby mama can no longer stand the smell of a pepperoni pizza in the oven. Maybe she can't allow beer in the house because it's too much of a temptation for her. Maybe you go on a trip to Las Vegas with your buddies every year at the end of June, but that happens to be your baby mama's due date.

If you want to be a good expectant father, you have to suck it up. You may have to give up some of your favorite things until the pregnancy is over. (And you'll likely give up many more once the baby arrives.) No more cooking foods that offend your baby mama. And you must let her watch whatever she wants to watch on the TV. Let her switch to your side--or both sides--of the bed if she feels like it. Agree with her neurotic fixations about not watching offensive DVDs because the baby might be able to hear them. Just be an understanding person during the pregnancy... even in the instances where you can't possibly understand what you're being understanding about in the first place.

A good expectant father also has to make an effort not to compare his baby mama's experience to the experiences other pregnant women he's known. Maybe your sister worked full time until the day she went into labor. Good for her. Maybe your best friend's wife ran a marathon in her second trimester. That's swell. Maybe your baby mama sits at home all day because she's sick and sore a lot. You have to accept this. When you are stressed-out, feeling neglected, and working every overtime shift you can get your hands on, it's easy to become resentful of your stay-at-home baby mama.

Some days when you come home from your joyless dead-end job and immediately assume the role of expectant father, it may take every ounce of self-control not to freak out and throw a fit because you're sick of feeling like the only person putting any effort into your new family's future. Just shut up and be nice--force yourself to be nice. Instead, show appreciation for the things your baby mama does do around the house, even if it isn't much sometimes. Making a point about how much more day-to-day work you do than your stay-at-home baby mama may make you feel like a bigshot for five minutes, but it's just going to piss her off and depress her, which will only make your home life miserable in the long run.

Some expectant mothers stay at home during pregnancy for other reasons. For example, an expectant mother who is unemployed may be granted state health insurance and food stamps. But if she works twenty hours a week at a minimum wage job, they'll take all of those benefits away. Naturally, these women end up quitting their jobs instead of forgoing their health insurance. If your baby mama is one of these women, you may find that they need extra support, attention, and appreciation sometimes. When you combine this situation with their volatile emotional state, it's easy for a pregnant woman to get depressed about having to make a choice between working and retaining their much-needed welfare. Let your baby mama know that you're on her side; you know she isn't being lazy and she made the right choice by prioritizing her health care above anything else. Help her find things to do to stay active around and outside of the home.

Every pregnancy is different. You'll find that this applies to expectant fathers like you just as much as it applies to the magic going on inside your baby mama's tummy. Prepare for the unexpected and keep a positive attitude. You don't need any special skills or training to be a great expectant father. Just be a nice guy, be an active part of the entire pregnancy, put your baby mama first, and think before you speak.