In my last article, I wrote about my unique lifestyle as an army wife. The focus largely remained on independence, enjoying life, and remaining strong. What I didn't touch on, because it is truly only touching the tip of an iceberg, is how wives like me stay strong.
There are six F's that keep me going: Faith, Family, Friends, Future, Funny Bones and Fitness.
Faith - If you or someone you know has ever gone through AA, then you are aware of the first step in the 12 step program: Recognizing you are powerless, and then the next step-leaning on a higher power.
I have no control over where my husband goes, when he goes, how long he'll be gone, or even how I can contact him. He's been on a training assignment and I've gotten only one e-mail every few days and a ten minute phone call once a week.
If I were to spend my time and emotions worrying about his safety, or all the other fears that are common for spouses, I would be a train wreck. So how do I combat my fears?
There is a verse in the Bible that says, “perfect love casts out all fear.” When I focus on God's perfect love, and keep my eyes up, that carries me through. I don't know how it does at sometimes, but I think the key is that it's not “it”-my faith-but rather HE-whom I'm placing my faith in who carries me through.
It does get lonely and scary at times, I won't deny that. I remember during one of the deployments, our house alarm system going off at 2am. I was armed with my husband's .45, my German shepherd by my side and a sudden adrenaline rush giving me added confidence. Though my voice was strong as I shouted, letting any intruder know I was armed, I was still scared on the inside.
When my husband isn't there physically to be my husband, I have to rely on God to be that protector. There are countless verses in scripture that help me to trust in Him in those situations.
Family - I have been very blessed-VERY blessed-that I haven't had to relocate in three years. Though I viewed it as a negative at first (I wanted adventure so badly), I now see the blessing in still being so close to my family members.
Whether it's having a latte with my aunt or driving over the pass to visit with in-laws, having family to lean on is a great support system. They know me-the real me, and all my faults, and love me anyway. And they can also tell when I'm unable to communicate how I'm really feeling. I'm sure I'm not the only army wife who thinks she can take on the world, and then takes on too much and ends up bottling things up, trying to act tough and keep it together.
In those times, it's nice to have family members who can recognize the nonverbal or silent signals I send off that I'm really crying out for help. I think that is one of the hardest things other wives go through when they are away from their families-they often miss that support, especially through major life events like pregnancies. I have been fortunate to not have to go through that yet.
Friends - I cherish the friendships I have immensely. I never used to be such a clingy or needy person before I got married. I was very independent, head strong and loved being a “loner.” Since I've gotten used to the company, however, now I'm someone completely different and get very restless if I don't have people around me all the time. I still like my alone time, but I love having friends over even more. Girlfriends are invaluable. Whether it's shopping or just relaxing and watching a movie, their friendship means a lot to me.
That said, it is sometimes difficult to make new friends. Though I'm married, I find that I make more instant connections with single gals. I want to have more friends with other couples for when my husband is home, but sometimes he is gone so much that it's just too much of a painful thorn in my side to be around other couples. This ties into my last article of my “married yet strangely single life” because my lifestyle is closer to single women when my husband is away. No kids, though I still have a lot of other responsibilities, I'm still flexible to hang out like they are. They can come over for a slumber party or take off for a day of snowboarding, whereas others cannot.
On the other hand, I understand how hard it can be for you, taking care of the household alone, also the worry of what could happen to him in the back of your mind.
Having been in his position, I wanted to tell you thanks for what you do!