There is only one good thing about the Marine gas chamber.... It will only occur once a year. This training day is often known of well in advance. So the "dodging" of the bullet begins early. From illness to volunteering for duty some Marines will try just about anything to avoid going through the dreaded gas chamber. Even though the amount of time spent in the gas chamber is only a few minutes, the memories will stay with you forever.
From the outside the chamber may appear like a nice little room suitable for a game of poker. Four walls, a door, a roof and windows with a view like no other. But do not let it's calm appearance fool you into thinking your in for a good time. Often hidden somewhere on base where no one frequents the chamber can be sniffed out of the air. Warning signs are posted in the general area and as you approach your worst enemy you begin to feel what all the warnings are about. Your exposed skin will feel a bit tingly and your eyes will begin to burn. Scratching becomes your worst enemy and laughter is replaced by seriousness. As the Marines begin to gather near the gas house it soon becomes apparent that we will soon be going through this ordeal.
After checking and double checking the mask and filter we are now ready to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. As we wait we check each other and the looks on some Marines faces are worth a million dollars. With masks on our worried faces, buttons buttoned and sleeves rolled down we begin to single file into the chamber. About twenty Marines enter at a single time while others guard the exit to ensure no man escapes without doing his time inside. Others hound the windows to get a good laugh of there fellow Marines. In the center of the room is a coffee can and other small unidentifiable gadgets used to choke humans without ever having to lay a single hand on them. An NBC Marine is already waiting inside and seems to not be bothered by the effects of these horrific chemicals. Nuclear Biological and Chemical Marines (NBC) is the proper name for these hard chargers that do this job for a living. So to them this is one big fun filled day. Why someone would want to play with deadly chemicals all day is beyond me. One day out of the year is all I needed to figure out this is not a job for me.
As the door is sealed the instructor will ask if anyone has any problems at the current moment. Nope! So on we go. As he is explaining what we will soon be doing he pulls out a tablet from his bag of lethal tricks. Only this tablet will cause severe discomfort and god knows what else. He cracks the tablet and tosses it into a chemical inside the coffee can. And like magic it begins to emit a cloud of toxic smoke. He swooshes at the cloud as it intensifies it's emissions. Now the room is visibly filled with the gas and panic begins to set in. Breathing must be controlled and calmness must be maintained. Heart rates increase as the visibility decreases. The look towards the exit is caused from fear. No one will exit early unless death is knocking on his door today. To panic would cause all of us extra unwanted seconds in the chamber from hell. We begin our side straddle hops and we complete the violent shaking of our heads. The purpose of this is to build confidence in the abilities of the mask while moving in a vigorous manner.
To everyone's enjoyment their mask works fine so far. Now we must remove the entire mask and hold it out in front of us. The "count" will not start until each and every Marine has his mask clearly out in front of there trembling bodies. This can last from anywhere to fifteen seconds to thirty seconds. So to be able to hold your breath is always an advantage at this stage. Lucky for me I am a smoker therefore holding my breath is not one of my strong suits. When given the "dawn and clear" command we must now put on our mask and blow out. This removes any uninvited gases from the inside of the mask. Then we must suck in. This will create a seal between the mask and our handsome faces. Then we make an attempt at normal breathing. Breathing uncontrollably at this point will fog up your mask and a blind Marine you will become. PANIC MODE...Some Marines will fail at this point and a choking Marine they will be. "Spazzing" out is both funny and scary if it's not you doing spazzing. Choking, hacking, yelling, spitting, trembling and fear of death result in a very interesting show. With the help of the instructor and other calm Marines the spazz Marines are quickly aided and the free show is quickly over. But the damage has been done by exposing our mugs to the gases we are now at the mercy of the gas gods.
The command to open the door could not come any sooner. In a very quick walk we exit and feel for wind. Masks removed, arms out to our sides and eyes closed we begin to bump into one another. Your nose becomes an uncontrollable waterfall for disgusting bodily fluids. Your eyes if opened spout tears of joy. Itching is only the beginning of our problems. As you attempt to wipe your nose with your sleeve you realize your mucous is all over the place. Like a spider web of nose fluids you begin to get entangled in your own bodily creations. Scratching at this point would only intensify our pain. So discipline here is a must if you wish to remain sane. Hacking after hacking Marine can be heard. At any moment a lung or two could come crashing on top of the dirt. So we must try to watch our steps. For lungs and mucous might litter the deck below. Water to the face helps and the breeze will forever be cherished. We look like a platoon of onion choppers. Or a platoon who just saw the saddest movie of their lives. We have learned that when properly used the gas mask will indeed save our lives. Even though the process seems to almost kill us.
Character is often found on days like this. Sinuses will be cleaned and tears will be rotated. In the end it is one big funny experience. Uniforms need a wash and bodies need decontamination. Masks need a good cleaning and lungs need the clean air from up above. And as all this excitement comes to an end, we glance with smiles on our faces at the next group of unlucky Marines who must now enter the Marine Corps gas chamber. Semper Fi
