75 Rejected Wedding Band Inscriptions

My wife and I were looking for some ideas for wedding ring inscriptions for our anniversary. Jumping on the web, we found a few on Garden Web. These made us laugh:

• Happy now? Good.
• Nonrefundable
• Not for pawning
• Put me back on!
• Race you to the shower
• The toys are LEGALLY mine!
• Why Do You Have Your Ring Off?
• Gotcha

So then I came up with some of my own:

• Cheaper than alimony
• Damn DNA tests
• Game over
• Hold my purse!
• Make me a sammich
• No more diets for me!
• Pull my ring finger
• So can I fart now?
• Stupid condom company
• Sucker!
• The only pussy you'll be seeing now are my three cats
• Too late for a pre-nup
• Wedding sponsored by Remington
• Maury Says, “You ARE the father!”

Digging a little deeper, I found a lovely list of 300 suggestions by Joanna Cal. While heartfelt and thoughtful, I thought they were missing something- full disclosure. The original sentiment is on the left, my as yet unspoken additions are in parenthesis. I give you 75 rejected wedding ring inscriptions, in alphabetical order.

1. A lifetime is all that I need... (to wreck yours)
2. A Perfect Fit ... (until I ate that box of ho hos)
3. All My Heart ... (and all my family, including Mom who hates you)
4. Always and forever ... (nagging you)
5. Baby, I'm Amazed By You ... (that you're so gullible)
6. Body, Mind And Heart ... (I own your ass)
7. Bound To An Angel ... (a Hell's Angel)
8. Burning for you ... (or maybe that's the Gonorrhea)
9. Committed to you ... (I should be committed BY you to a mental facility)
10. Don't Hope, Believe ... (I'll leave)
11. Endless Love ... (of cats)
12. Eternally Yours ... (like fruitcake)
13. Eternity ... (pray for death)
14. Everything I Do, I Do It For You ... (except that stuff I do to myself when you're gone)
15. Faithful & True ... (just not to you)
16. For Whither Thou Goest I Will Follow ... (thanks to the unenforceable stalker laws)
17. For You Alone ... (can drive me nuts)
18. Forever ... (or until something better comes along)
19. Forever Dancing To The Beat Of Your Heart ... (and I can't wait for it to stop)
20. Forever Entwined ... (in debt)
21. Forever Friends ... (in a platonic kind of way)
22. Forever In My Heart ... (and in my wallet)
23. Forever Together ... (even in the bathroom)
24. Forevermore ... (stupid Raven)
25. Forget Me Not ... (or my lawyer will make sure you remember)
26. Friends & Lovers ... (Well, friends)
27. From This Day Forward ... (you will have no peace or piece)
28. Grow Old With Me ... (until your secretary finishes high school)
29. I Could Not Ask For More ... (but I will anyway)
30. I did ... (with your brother)
31. I Do Not Wish To Love Any Other ... (right now, but the day isn't over)
32. I Finally Found You ... (stop trying to get away!)
33. I found love, and love was you ... (and your sister)
34. I Have Nothing More To Give You But My Heart ... (I just didn't know you'd take it from my ass)
35. I Knew From The Moment I Met You ... (because you slept with me that night)
36. I love you period ... (just not YOUR period)
37. I Promise You Forever ... (without parole)
38. I'm Amazed By You ... (how can someone so stupid not get hit by a car?)
39. It's Been You All The Time ... (looking in my bathroom window)
40. Joy without end (will end without joy)
41. Life Has Begun ... (to get really bad)
42. Love • Faith • Honesty ... (•Misery•Therapy)
43. Love Conquers All ... (mercifully, so does death)
44. Love, honor and obey. ... (Yeah right)
45. Mine ... (all your stuff)
46. My Cup Runneth Over ... (clean that up you slob)
47. My Dream Came True ... (Nightmares are dreams, right?)
48. My Life Began With You ... (and ended with you too)
49. Never shall we be parted … (those handcuffs are titanium!)
50. No holding back ... (my farts anymore)
51. Now I Am Complete ... (-ly in control)
52. Share Everything ... (well your stuff)
53. Solid Gold ... (digger)
54. Sparkle Of My Life ... (twinkle in my pants)
55. Take me ... (shopping)
56. Thank the Lord ... (No more blowjobs)
57. The Best Things Are Free ... (but you need to buy me everything else)
58. This the best ... (I will ever look)
59. Til My Dying Day ... (preferably from natural causes)
60. Today I Married My Friend ... (boy was my fiancé pissed)
61. Two Bodies, One Life ... (sentence if we got caught)
62. With Arms Wide Open ... (and mouth that never closes)
63. Wrapped around my finger ... (just like you)
64. You are my life ... (sentence)
65. You Are So Beautiful ... (when you're naked)
66. You Are The Reason ... (they made Prozac)
67. You Are The Reason I Am ... (not in police custody)
68. You give me butterflies ... (or is that gas?)
69. You Own My Heart ... (and apparently my ass too)
70. You're the best ... (I could do)
71. You're Still The One ... (who won't close the bathroom door)
72. You're still the One ... (who pays my bills)
73. You're The Answer To My Everything ... (or so you keep telling me)
74. You're The Answer To My Prayers ... (Why does God hate me?)
75. XOXOXOXO … (You suck at tic-tac-toe)