A few years ago, I read an article exhorting readers to find their inner Ted Nugent. By that I gathered we should all embrace our inner gun-toting, caveman-thinking, Alpha-male tendencies once in a while. Oh yeah, and while we're at it we should learn three chords on a really loud guitar and play the same four songs until we die and/or retire. I have a sinking feeling the Nuge would have earned the title "Motor city Madman" whether he was a rock star or a third-shift busboy at Denny's.
Since I have no interest in acquiring cat scratch fever, I have acquired a new hero. I want to get in touch with my inner Kaldi. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the history of coffee, Kaldi is the fun-loving Abysinnian goat-herder responsible for discovering an elixir we now call coffee. Legend has it that Kaldi was leading some of his charges through a neighbor's field when they came upon a bush bristling with red berries. The sheep began eating these berries in earnest. Kaldi noticed that his sheep began dancing like frat boys on prom night. Never one to pass up an opportunity to ingest something unproven and potentially life-threatening, Kaldi sampled a few berries himself and became the prototype for SBC customers everywhere. He later shared his discovery with some local monks, who refined the process and produced a bitter but drinkable beverage. They noticed that a few sips of this concoction would give them the ability to stay awake during prayers. Ironically enough, a thousand years later we would be drinking the stuff to stay awake through everything else.
The story of Kaldi, Abyssinian ambassador of strong coffee and dancing sheep, may be apocryphal, but I'd still like to glean a few nuggets of wisdom from it anyway. Sometimes in life you just have to take the word of your flock and throw a few red berries down your gullet. Maybe you'll discover a new and exciting beverage for the ages, or maybe you'll discover a new paint thinner. Maybe you'll discover a new beverage AND a paint thinner, who knows? What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger, or at least more awake in church. So raise a mug to the spirit of Kaldi, a man who missed his calling as a kamikaze pilot or rock guitar legend. As for me, I'll have what the sheep are having, thank you very much.
